The first time I stood in line for a hoagie, I was intimidated by the 15 options on the menu. Five minutes in line couldn't help me, and the counter person said "well stand aside and let the guy behind you order then".
I can empathize that someone from a place where everyone is politely addressed as "Sir" or "Ma'am" might find interactions jarring if they don't begin with a "hello, how are you doing today?"
she placed my accent correctly, asking if I was taking the train to New York "like all the other young kids with backpacks". I bellyached about the humidity in July and she let out a deep laugh. she wrapped the sandwich in halves since it would be easier to carry when I already had so much.
I still think about that interaction. I think that the Northeast has a charm to it developed by centuries of their communities existing in such tight quarters (albeit ones with a history of bitter sentiments and actions against Black people like Boston, South Philly, etc.). I wish strangers talked to each other more, because maybe that takes the edge off of directness.
I read the blog post feeling the author's rage, but your insight is far more important. Humanity's collective goodwill is stifled by friction and inertia while moneyed interests are given jetpacks.
I feel this so strongly. same story as you, and the postal code idea is brilliant.
I've traveled to the Northeast US a fair bit and am so surprised at how many drinking establishments those towns can support (or not, if the bars are in decline).
Take Manayunk, a town that got amalgamated into present day Philadelphia. It's on a commuter rail line that leads to Center City. A pretty little town with humble homes on small roads nearby. The name of the town means "the place to drink" in the Lenape language. You couldn't design a more idyllic small-town so close to a heavily urbanized area, in my opinion. But I digress.
While walking around with a tomato pie I was trying to finish before taking the train downtown, I counted about 12 bars full of who looked to be regulars, all on a weeknight. laughs a plenty, no banging club music. just the sound of life from townsfolk who probably go back a few generations at least.
in contrast, the PNW has always had transient worker populations, but even homeless people here often exude friendliness and a willingness to talk to strangers. it may be because they rely more on networks of goodwill than those with salaries and lease agreements. it may be because their living quarters are closer together, whether in the shelter or on the street. whatever the reason, there is a noticable dearth of that human connection with my life in the PNW, and it's such a recurring point of conversation that the horse has now been beaten to a pulp.
the way you long for the pub culture of the Northeast US is all too familiar to me. it's my Disneyland, because it's basically a fantasy when our cities are designed the way they are.
Glad to hear someone else shares these feelings! I've met very kind and amazing people in the area, yet there is just nothing that brings people together. You'll hear from the people in local facebook groups about some small gatherings, but it's just still all "planned". It doesn't replace that "ah, i'm done with work, i'll quickly grab a drink and see who's around!" chats.
I've had incredible nights through just going to the same bar a couple of times during my travels, and people all around the world made me feel welcome. Yet here? No such thing, yet everyone, including me, complains how we yearn for such a social atmosphere.
Seeing the place where you have lived for years and decades, and the people who you met a million times, with the eyes and openness of a traveler, would be such a gift. I wonder if it could be practiced somehow.
> yet everyone, including me, complains how we yearn for such a social atmosphere
But how hard it is to just tell a person you vaguely know (like neighbors or people who you know from work or venues) "I feel a bit lonely, wanna do something?".. we always have to have a "better" reason than just that. I wonder how many people chat with people they bump into, and then both go home lonely wishing they had a "good reason" to hang out with that other person, like in some weird ass prisoner's dilemma where the punishment is losing face. Probably a lot. But we hear so much about how people are more lonely and isolated, it shouldn't be that embarrassing admit being to be one of those who aren't quite content with their social connections.
If in doubt, I'd suggest finding something to volunteer or help out with. You never have to justify helping out with something where help is needed -- that is, nobody is going to ask if you're not really just there because you're lonely -- and you tend to run into social people. And even when it doesn't spark a friendship it's usually time well spent, and in the rare cases where it's not, just don't go to that particular thing again.
But how hard it is to just tell a person you vaguely know (like neighbors or people who you know from work or venues) "I feel a bit lonely, wanna do something?".. we always have to have a "better" reason than just that.
i think it helps to phrase it differently.
don't say "i am lonely", say, "i work alone and i like to sozialize". or "i am a very social person and i don't get enough interaction at work". to a coworker you could say: " i enjoy talking to you, want to hang out after work" or something like that.
i agree that "i am lonely" potentially comes across as needy, so i would focus on the general positive aspects of socializing.
i should note that i didn't have any opportunity to apply these myself but i was occasionally on the receiving side being invited to join others without any specific reason other than hanging out together. which is actually another approach. look for existing groups and see if you can join them
I've never thought as deeply about my love for pineapple on pizza as you have. Maybe I should grill some young pineapple and throw it on my next pie for that caramelized, charred flavour.
> - 'Power over' (others, ultimately denying freedoms): a zero-sum game
You are being way to generous here. You are suggesting that no matter how much we deny freedoms and give some people power over others, the sum will not change? (And in reverse, no matter how much we stop denying freedoms etc, the sum will also still stay fixed?)
While great at keeping beer cold, the frosted surface creates tons of nucleation points for CO2 in the beer, overfoaming it in the process. And the coldness lowers volatility of aromatic compounds in the beer.
They were talking about frost build-up from freezing a large stein glass. If any frost gets onto the inner surface of a glass, it creates nucleation points.
I can empathize that someone from a place where everyone is politely addressed as "Sir" or "Ma'am" might find interactions jarring if they don't begin with a "hello, how are you doing today?"
she placed my accent correctly, asking if I was taking the train to New York "like all the other young kids with backpacks". I bellyached about the humidity in July and she let out a deep laugh. she wrapped the sandwich in halves since it would be easier to carry when I already had so much.
I still think about that interaction. I think that the Northeast has a charm to it developed by centuries of their communities existing in such tight quarters (albeit ones with a history of bitter sentiments and actions against Black people like Boston, South Philly, etc.). I wish strangers talked to each other more, because maybe that takes the edge off of directness.
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