It's not as hard as you think to get close to people, but you have to be intentional about it.
First step would be to widen your "funnel" of new people in your life before then filtering them down. Simply need to go to social events, meetups, etc.
I'm the same, and it has kind of ruined me. No one I know thinks the ways I do. I keep wondering if it's just due to anxiety or a fear of death, or an inability to feel present or what. But I really wish I could figure this aspect of myself out so that I can relax and enjoy in a moment.
Whenever I realize that I was lost a moment, I get anxious about what I should be doing with my time instead.
I'm also like this. Some part of me feels that any moment spent not honing a skill / advancing in some way is a wasted one. I know it's a bs perspective, but still I find myself taking it constantly.
I do manage to force myself out of this way of thinking from time to time, but it requires conscious effort to do so.
I imagine this forum has its fair share of people who fall for this "overachiever fallacy". I'd be curious to hear how others deal with it.
For the longest time I railed against the fact that I am mortal, and my time is finite. I wanted to squeeze everything I could into my days, and I would feel guilty about projects I didn’t get to. This is despite having a wife, kids, house, full time job.
Eventually I burned out on programming-based side projects. I switched to activities that do not require staring at a screen. So I build analog electronics, study music.
Then I had a heart attack. My mortality and the fragility of life was never more clear. I accepted that I could die, and let go of all the mental baggage I was holding onto.
I’ve felt ‘cured’ ever since. I don’t recommend anyone get a heart attack. But I do think people fall into patterns, and get stuck inside of them. Sometimes a “pattern interrupter” can break us out.
I had that mindset, but then an overwhelming amount of personal and work stress made me change. Unfortunately, as I wrote in a comment further up, now I feel like I’m too far on the other side, where all I do after work is relax.
If anyone has suggestions on striking a balance, I’d love to hear them.
I share the experience of all 4 parents of this comment. It turned out I had undiagnosed ADHD. After diagnosis all my life suddenly made sense. Before the diagnosis, my situation had progressed to a point I’d get burnout by just everyday life, let alone work. Everything was overwhelming. Treatment turned my life around.
Later, I found out I have autism too - many autistic people “mask” around other people, altering their behavior to hide autistic traits. This is another thing causing (temporary) burnout after being around people.
In terms of side projects, I’ve deliberately curated a smaller set that meets multiple criteria. Social connection, simplicity and elegance, and the ability to start and stop at will.
At work I am always looking for ways to do more than one thing at once. Learn a new skill. Teach something. Solve a small problem. Make myself feel good. Take the solution to the next level.
I think it’s okay to want to always be honing and advancing. Humans are always seeking lower energy paths. Maybe you just need to expand the scope of the skills you’re seeking. One of the most valuable skills in my work is the ability to stop and think about what I’m actually trying to do. That is honed through stopping and observing (meditation).
I'll say LLMs have influenced this for me. I've lost some part of what made programming "interesting".
Sure, digging through docs and finding small-scale workable examples to for boillerplate/whatever was never fun, but a lot of what drew me to programming was the wading into the unknown and the satisfaction of figuring things out (often even "chore" type things).
I'll keep looking for a new hobby, I guess.
Related, I feel like programming jobs are on the way out, one way or another (at least for me); programming recreationally had the side benefit of increasing marketable skill--this was never a primary or even secondary motivator for me, but now seeing as it's benefit in that realm seems far smaller, I've also lost motivation there.
Maybe I'll feel a bit better as the weather improves.
for me i figured out it’s about the body. it’s ok to be lifted up from the body into the thinking mind but i “owe” my body to spend some time there as well.
sometimes all it takes is sitting 20min in the morning just observing sensations in my body, and saying good morning to various organs haha. sounds silly but creates a solid foundation for my day.
If you are very analytical, a good call is to learn a different way of being, call it “acceptance mode”
If you look at techniques employed from modern buddhism / zen, where you just learn to settle into present (breath, sensory experiences etc.) you can learn to shift your mind from analysis to acceptance modes.
You may have adhd. This is how I am. I can’t relax ever, I have to be constantly moving mentally or physically, I have to make the most of every moment. It’s an adhd thing, and medication does help with this. Worth getting yourself checked
Not to gaslight you but sometimes adhd isn’t adhd. My son can’t sit still and is this way. The more I watch it and talk to doctors and reflected on my own memory of youth I realize he’s basically my clone and I have all these symptoms too. Turns out it’s a motor sensory (muscle/balance) issue that he can correct with some occupational therapy and learned coping skills. I developed my own coping skills without a therapist and never really intentionally built my core strength.
Anyways I mention it because if one can focus on selective tasks, like working on a side project, I think adhd is perhaps an easy/lazy diagnosis but maybe not the correct one.
I've been meaning to make the jump into joining random teams' game jams that are looking for additional people. I get nervous about it, that my skills aren't up to par, but I know it would be a great way to increase them.
I'm curious about anyone's experiences who has joined random teams in game jams and how it turned out.
Considering you have options, one could argue that you must be okay with them, otherwise you could just choose to not support them. I personally believe there's more nuance than that, but Ive heard that line of argument before.
Neural networks are a simplification of our brains, they are not a replication of it. It is just a modeling method that was inspired by how human neurons work, that's it. It's not 1 to 1 or anything.
Furthermore, neurons alone do not led to consciousness. At the very least, their modulation, mainly by glial cells, is essential as well.
Personally, my money is on quantum coherence within microtubules being the mechanism of conscious experience, with the brain essentially being a quantum/classical hybrid computer.
From is quite fun too. It is extremely similar to lost in its vibes and writing style. For the record I think both of these shows are not good shows, but are definitely entertaining shows.
I think season 2 will end up doing a lot tbh. It got great reviews from critics and they allowed critics to watch the full season before reviewing, which isn't as common. Usually it's only one or two episodes. It makes me feel like they had a big story that they wanted to be witnessed in its entirety for the critics.
