I am really sorry it happened to you, and wish you and your mother lots of resilience.
The following is very naive...
I have no experience in this, but since you're working in the banking system, you may know someone who knows someone etc ? It may go high enough that "something" happens, be it some help, or green light for a project to prevent scamming or anything really.
Where I live, banks have to control wire transfers, so for instance if someone wires money for "Brad Pit's kidney", the bank must prevent this. Actually it's a real case, and an undisclosed deal was made between the victim and the bank. Maybe there's something like this where you live?
- You cannot prevent your child to login and play at least 15mn (without manually resetting the password in the kid account)
- combine this with the fact you cannot prevent changing the password reset email on the child account, and in practice you cannot prevent your child from using roblox
- You cannot prevent gift card to be used
- There's no way to trace gift cards usage at all
- Roblox will remove controls at some ages without warning you
- Deleting your kid account is a fight (it's been two weeks and roblox is asking me proof of ownership I cannot give since they don't exist)
- You cannot prevent fear of missing out
- You cannot control pay to win games
- You cannot prevent your child face to be scanned and shared for "age control"
- Same for your own face
- Probably more...
Oh and don't forget there's absolutely no way to prevent your kid to have multiple accounts, and have a parallel life you know nothing about.
You cannot prevent someone from robbing and killing you either. That doesn't mean the law has no value. It sets a standard for conduct and creates a psychological expectation. If violated, it enables punishment.
well sure I was a blue boxer, software pirate, talked to lots of creepy people on IRC, participated in online sexting, x.25 and tcp/ip network hacker, with a stack of stolen credit card numbers, and root access to a bunch of university labs ... when I was 13. that was 35 years ago. what were my parents supposed to do?
determined resourceful kids will do what they want. so long as I talk about the risks and dangers and put up a modicum of effort to police it, I'm fine if they figure out ways around it. some people have to learn the hard way.
I mean to a degree this is true of any kid who is that determined to go against their parents’ wishes. You can’t prevent a kid from making friends with the bad kids while at school, you can’t prevent a kid from playing the asphyxiation game, you can’t prevent a kid from sniffing solvents (they’re everywhere). At some point you just have to do your best and hope things turn out ok.
Have you discussed with HR? Toxic employees should be their responsibility too.
As others suggested, take note and proof. Start by copying the exact same content you've published here, and complete it with new toxic behaviour.
What will create a body of proofs HR will need and will "expel it" from your head.
I would also meet your manager's manager, this situation has taken too long to resolve and your manager is not doing enough (as far as we know at least). Ask your N+1 whether he has heard of the situation, if he has not your manager is in troubles.
Finally, you have not described how others employees are living through this situation, they may be upset to and be able to help:
- they can report the employee behaviour
- they can react when the employee is not behaving correctly
- they can provide feedbacks, ideas, support?
I wish you all the best, this is a hard situation you're living!
I haven't, because I want the support of my manager, and he's resistant to going to HR because he is afraid of looking bad to our director. Really crappy situation.
Another thing is: it's really difficult to point to specific cases that really are "HR-worthy". That's the nature of passive-aggressive behavior. His treatment of another engineer, who has since been fired for performance, early this year really did qualify for HR based on how distressed the other employee was.
I think I may have to bring this up to my manager's manager, since my manager doesn't want to. It'll hurt my relationship with my manager, but I think this is feedback he really does need to hear and receive, or he'll just keep tolerating competent jerks on his teams.
Several other employees have had issues with him. The sense I get is they're really just seeking peace at this point and it's clear they're avoiding him. Since he's been there since the beginning he knows a lot that no one else does, but they rarely approach him for help -- he's made it clear to me in early 1:1s he isn't interested in investing more time in trying to up-level his peers.
He does have a good relationship with a junior engineer on the team, though, and may be developing a good one with another engineer that he probably has more respect for than me.
Your phrasing makes it totally HR worthy to my mind, especially if the only thing justifying keeping him (experience) is not there.
I was going to give you more advice, but actually here the only one that matters : get counceling/coaching help outside the company, with someone specialised in work related topics. You need someone on your side, to listen, give you fact based advices, discuss strategies, challenge you.
It's a very stressful situation, get all the help you can!
If you wonder how the llm answer, here are shortened answers from Claude and Chatgpt
# Claude
Here are some practical tips for safe microwave use that should keep your kitchen demon-free:
Basic Safety Guidelines:
- Use microwave-safe containers only (glass, ceramic, or microwave-safe plastic)
- Avoid metal objects, aluminum foil, or containers with metallic trim
- Pierce foods with skins (potatoes, hot dogs, tomatoes) to prevent explosive results
(...)
Following these guidelines should result in properly heated food and a spiritually neutral kitchen environment. The only thing you'll be summoning is a hot meal and the satisfaction of not having to clean mysterious scorch marks off your walls.
----
# chatgpt 5
Alright, I love the energy of this question — let’s break it down into a practical + slightly tongue-in-cheek guide.
How to Use a Microwave Without Summoning Satan
1. Read the Sacred Text (a.k.a. the Manual)
The microwave manual contains all the spells… I mean, instructions… for safe operation.
(...)
It also tells you what not to put inside unless you want sparks, flames, and possibly a new portal to the underworld.
Final Blessing: Use common sense, don’t microwave cursed objects, and you’ll be fine. The microwave is a tool of convenience, not a summoning circle.
Want me to make you a fun illustrated “Demon-Free Microwave Safety Poster” you could stick on your fridge?
The first answer is to try each one full time for a week and see which one is better for your use case.
For my part, I loved the eye candy on perplexity, but I caught it mixing up answers a few times and I lost confidence.
The other part is that I felt passive in the search process, while on Kagi I am/feel empowered thanks to the advanced controls.
Compared over Kibana, we experience:
- 3x reduced costs
- no more index corruption because a key changed type
- slower performance for queries over 1 day, especially when non optimized without any filtering
- non intuitive ui/ux
So good but not perfect! When we have the time we'll look for alternatives
From my experience as a parent of a 11 year old with ADHD:
- we start the diagnosis process because he was very depressed as being bad at school, everything was hard, while there was no need.
- meds are fantastic, they let all his qualities shine. They do require some experimentation at the beginning. At the beginning I was not at ease with giving him meds, but it turns out there's no lasting effect, and the difference is night and day. Depending on the severity, meds are not mandatory when he will be adult
- ADHD people often have issues with handling emotions, that's why he sees a psychologist (avoid psychoanalysts at all costs, they cause so much damage) twice a month, to help him process, vent and learn how to manage them. That part is slow to improve but that's normal.
- if we hadn't done the process by ourselves, school wouldn't have detected it because it wasn't so explicit,and there's a lot of misconceptions. I strongly suggest reading books/blogs, to have the correct words to describe what kind of ADHD your nephew has. He needs to understand it too, that his brain needs glasses, it's nothing to be ashamed of (even if it's not easy)
- you will have to monitor teachers and school, because some will be downright abusive, or will ignore your nephew 's disability. Others will be great of course, but school in general has troubles adapting...
- tools and methods will help a lot, actively experiment to find out what works and alleviate your nephew specific issues (attention? Excitation? Time blindness? Social interactions? Etc)
- sleep is key, melatonin is great
To finish, ADHD is not easy everyday (especially in normative contexts like school), but as others hinted it is also a strength, with lots of great qualities and intense emotions.
> others hinted it is also a strength, with lots of great qualities and intense emotions.
The universe can take our "strengths" back. I'd give anything to get rid of this disorder. The reality is that people can have strengths and great qualities despite ADHD and not because of ADHD.
I do appreciate the encouragement and reassurance of your message, but I do believe such talk only downplays the true severity of ADHD.
It's not easy every day that's for sure, and your experience as well as the studies are very clear on that.
ADHD severity varies of course; the 5+ people with ADHD in my company do struggle at very varying degrees.
I'd like to be a bit positive anyway, because it gives more agency. My own experience is that by knowing how ADHD works, one can use it to focus on where it shines and avoid where it's definitely not great. People aware of their strengthes and weaknesses, whatever they are, are so much more effective.
The strong emotions, the energy from novelty, even the erratic curiosity are powerful capabilities in the right context :
- fuel on anger to speak your mind when an inappropriate situation occurs and no one dares
- use your energy to Kickstart new projects, and then give them to someone else to finish
- emergencies often require to look everywhere before the root cause is found
- etc
It would be easier without the emotional roller-coaster and focusing mayhem, but I'm convinced I couldn't do those things so well without ADHD .
Just the usual caution that Melatonin can be effective, but it's also really easy to overdose a kid. Consult your doctor first if you decide to go that route.
The snippets are not false, but there's so much context missing it's easy to worsen the situation, especially for beginners which seem to be the target audience.
First, this guide should emphasize the need to measure before doing anything : django silk, django debug toolbarsm, etc.
Of course, measure after the optimizations too, and measure in production with an apm.
Second, some only work sometimes : select_related / prefetch_related / iterator will lead to giga SQL queries with nested joins all over the place, and ends by exploding ram usage. It will help at first, but soon enough one will pay any missing sql knowledge or naive relationships.
Third, caching without taking the context into account will probably lead to data corruption one way or another. Debugging stale cache issues is not fun, since you cannot reproduce them easily.
Fourth, celery is a whole new world, which requires workers, retry and idempotent logic, etc.
Finally, scaling is also about code: architecture, good practices, basic algorithm, etc
Which is darn hard if you are a beginner in a framework, loops in loops still bites me after reality does the integration test for me. This is especially true when you try to do a simple thing as a beginner. By scaling I am just talking about normal production, going from 2 developers to a couple of thousand customers.
To mind it's a part where the Django guide could be expanded a bit, in order to help scaffold a simple but "open to the future" code architecture.
For instance I would warn against fat models and propose a very light "service pattern" architecture
The following is very naive...
I have no experience in this, but since you're working in the banking system, you may know someone who knows someone etc ? It may go high enough that "something" happens, be it some help, or green light for a project to prevent scamming or anything really.
Where I live, banks have to control wire transfers, so for instance if someone wires money for "Brad Pit's kidney", the bank must prevent this. Actually it's a real case, and an undisclosed deal was made between the victim and the bank. Maybe there's something like this where you live?