You're probably a very good programmer - strange that you're comparing your work against seniors; are you not a senior engineer yet with 20 years experience? You probably could be.
Also, don't be so down on yourself regarding interview questions. If you spent a month or two just practicing these types of questions in your free time you'd be surprised how you'd do on some of the interviews you would normally bomb out.
I personally like having the option. I've worked for fully remote for most my career even before covid - back when it was "cool" and people would have taken pay cuts to stay remote. I learned early on that fully remote jobs aren't all rainbows and sunshine, there are definite tradeoffs you make, but overall I'd probably rather a fully remote gig than a "You must be in the office 9-5 every day" gig. My ideal situation though is a hybrid one that doesn't force anything; I've found that I miss leaving the house to go to the office for a bit. Maybe it would be a bit different if I didn't have a wife at home that can take care of the dogs while I'm out.
> I know, often times i am subconsciously aligning my actions to end up alone
Are you sure you aren't doing this because you have some sort of social anxiety that's prohibiting you from enjoying group activities? Even when I do like something, I often find that I would like to cancel and do nothing, but always feel better after when I go. I think it is pretty normal.
People who have a lot of money don't want to let other people who can rob them know they have a lot of money. They've gone past the point where virtue-signaling is important to them, and where having someone say "Nice shoes!" is no longer fun for them. They can always have the best shoes and it's no longer an acknowledgement of peers but acknowledgement of 'poor people'. 90% of rich white guys wear plain T-Shirts and jeans with all bird shoes, and try to virtue-signal with things like yachts and other ridiculous things.
I was burned out on start ups and wanted to join a larger company that had more support and a work life balance. I effectively joined a start-up within a larger company and have worked insane hours trying to help push out their V1 product with one other engineer. I pushed back on the hours and subsequently have been screamed at by HR for refusing to regularly start at 6am and work 70 hour weeks - they attempted to make me quit so they wouldn't have to pay me severance (I declined - said if they weren't satisfied with me they can fire me). Now that the V1 is out things /have/ gotten better work-wise, but almost in a completely opposite way where now we have to deal with compliance and I need approval from the technical manager just to sneeze. I know upper-management doesn't like me because I was a squeaky wheel (I even championed the other engineer on the team to threaten to quit to get a raise) and it's just a weird situation. I'm definitely not getting any kind of raise from this company and they for sure don't care about my growth (or any of their employees really). I've been trying to make it at least a year (coming close) before looking elsewhere for my resume's sake but it's been hell at times and I feel like I've been at this company for 2+ years. Even with the recent slow-down in hours, I would love to get fired, take a couple months off, and deal with some personal health issues while studying for the next gig.
The only good friends I've made and still talk to outside of college (and a few high school friends) were from a job I worked at for almost 4 years. I think that might have been the more important part of going into the office, at least for me, was you could potentially make some friends and get some social interaction. I'm thankful I had met my wife before the pandemic started otherwise this would have been even tougher. I've inherited a few of my wive's friends as well; but I think I'll have to do something like an old man's lacrosse or basketball league to make more friends, because I think it takes hanging out consistently with people to become true friends. I occasionally end up hanging out with a group of people I don't know and will get phone numbers to hang out again, but it's always awkward to actually follow up on situations like that.
Also, don't be so down on yourself regarding interview questions. If you spent a month or two just practicing these types of questions in your free time you'd be surprised how you'd do on some of the interviews you would normally bomb out.