I feel the same way. After considering it, I've decided I'm halfway between an introvert and an extrovert (and also that I don't like telling people about it).
Elaborating on halfway: when my "job" was "be social and go to class all day" and my leisure time was "hang around suburbs with the same crew of friends," I needed a lot of alone time to recharge and I'd be miserable going out.
Now that my job is "write code all day" and my leisure time is "read books and work on music," I feel a heavy need to socialize, and I often enjoy going out.
Just like many things, it's a spectrum, and everyone falls somewhere.
Yes, and I've worked at home for a number of years and have really gotten used to it. It makes a person sort of adjust to stillness and, frankly, loneliness.
Yeah, the half way between idea works well. I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded. For at least a couple days before anything, I'm anxious, and that usually dissipates once I arrive and get settled. The settled part is grounding.
If I fail to ground successfully or if I flat out don't like being there, then the anxiety can continue the entire time I'm there.
It's exhausting. I can see how someone having some experiences like that might conclude that's how it is. Not necessarily is what I'd say. Get grounded. Accept some fails.
Easy for me to say sitting on my couch blissfully aware that I have no plans until tomorrow.
> I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded
I agree, at least when I'm in a non-social lifestyle (when I'm living a social "school" lifestyle then I get grumpy and look for ways to leave). I think living in a big city (NYC) "helps", because you have a lot of options available and because the loneliness can be so oppressive that it almost forces you out into some sort of social setting.
Usually it helps me to have someone to go with. Then, (1) I can't bail because they're also depending on me, and (2) it gives me a little safety net to fall back on in case I'm having trouble socializing. That said, I've had great experiences going out alone, but it can be tough to get the conversation started (or tough to convince yourself to start a conversation) unless it's explicitly a meet-and-greet kinda thing.
LOL. I've setup a situation for tomorrow where I absolutely can't bail because of how I set it up. I could have done it another way but chose to take on some responsibility regarding an event. I can't bail without being a total asshole. Otherwise, I high chance I would not go.
I personally bailed on my previously-determined weekend plans because I'm still recovering from a cold, and 36 hours of techno would dramatically set back my recovery.
I was hoping for social plans tomorrow and I received an invitation to the beach, so I'm looking forward to that. Gotta get my friendship hours in while it's the weekend, because other than a yet-unplanned date, I've got nothing every day after work next week.
Elaborating on halfway: when my "job" was "be social and go to class all day" and my leisure time was "hang around suburbs with the same crew of friends," I needed a lot of alone time to recharge and I'd be miserable going out.
Now that my job is "write code all day" and my leisure time is "read books and work on music," I feel a heavy need to socialize, and I often enjoy going out.
Just like many things, it's a spectrum, and everyone falls somewhere.