He's right! You are not a failure! I'm 33 and I left a company I founded 3 years ago after 5 in the trenches. It was close to the big deal that was gonna make it all go sunshine and rainbows but I got fat, angry, and had started drinking a lot. I got so caught up in day to day people management it was months since I touched a real engineering problem.
I took a fairly extreme route. I said I would help try to close a merger with a large player in the game, if it hit, I'd stay, if not I'd leave. It didn't work out. I left. I walked out the door.
Because I'd been an executive it was near impossible for me to get a programming job. Also, I was an odd person to interview at the time. I definitely echoed a lot of the feelings you have here. I gave away everything I owned filled a backpack and couch surfed for eight months. Saw both oceans in 30 day. Lived in a bungalo in Vermont on the lake for a month. Crashed on an old friends couch and caught up for a while and worked on cars. Played with the idea of moving to the woods to become a blacksmith. I was depressed as hell. I knew it was what I needed to do but re-assimilating was hard, also the nagging feeling I'd fucked over everything that was good.
I ended up taking a jobby-job with a huge porn video company in LA and lied about my credentials to get a junior position. Kept my head down and just worked my ass off on stuff. Started putting together new ideas in the evenings and just finding myself. I really kind of stopped growing as a creative since the startup got legs and customers.
I took another job at a startup I found on craigslist and moved to Seattle. This time got an apartment and quit living out of my backpack. It was a decent paying gig but clearly doomed. But it gave me a dojo to play in that wasn't life and death. Plus I got my teeth fixed with the insurance.
Long story long, during that time I put together the structure for a new thing and took it slow. It's all me. Now I'm back in it on my terms and focused very differently than I was the last time. I'm almost unflappable. I'm enjoying programming for the first time since well before I quit and the people I used to work with are now back in my life.
The assets you've built at these "failures" is your biggest strength. There are things about business that you now know instinctively that most people never will. There will be more great and terrible days! No one's got a clock on you and there are no real boundaries for success other than what you want. Take time for you. You'll get back to it eventually 100x more ready for the fight.
Even when things got on the up swing I still felt like maybe I really fucked up by leaving that gig. I just recently caught up with one of the other founders, they are doing the 4th platform overhaul for the same client that I was trying to close 3 years ago. The big check is still around the corner. They will make the money, I'm proud of them and my experience, but I was right to leave for sure.
Keep at it! Put yourself first and you'll get rudder soon enough. There's really no need to rush it.
I took a fairly extreme route. I said I would help try to close a merger with a large player in the game, if it hit, I'd stay, if not I'd leave. It didn't work out. I left. I walked out the door.
Because I'd been an executive it was near impossible for me to get a programming job. Also, I was an odd person to interview at the time. I definitely echoed a lot of the feelings you have here. I gave away everything I owned filled a backpack and couch surfed for eight months. Saw both oceans in 30 day. Lived in a bungalo in Vermont on the lake for a month. Crashed on an old friends couch and caught up for a while and worked on cars. Played with the idea of moving to the woods to become a blacksmith. I was depressed as hell. I knew it was what I needed to do but re-assimilating was hard, also the nagging feeling I'd fucked over everything that was good.
I ended up taking a jobby-job with a huge porn video company in LA and lied about my credentials to get a junior position. Kept my head down and just worked my ass off on stuff. Started putting together new ideas in the evenings and just finding myself. I really kind of stopped growing as a creative since the startup got legs and customers.
I took another job at a startup I found on craigslist and moved to Seattle. This time got an apartment and quit living out of my backpack. It was a decent paying gig but clearly doomed. But it gave me a dojo to play in that wasn't life and death. Plus I got my teeth fixed with the insurance.
Long story long, during that time I put together the structure for a new thing and took it slow. It's all me. Now I'm back in it on my terms and focused very differently than I was the last time. I'm almost unflappable. I'm enjoying programming for the first time since well before I quit and the people I used to work with are now back in my life.
The assets you've built at these "failures" is your biggest strength. There are things about business that you now know instinctively that most people never will. There will be more great and terrible days! No one's got a clock on you and there are no real boundaries for success other than what you want. Take time for you. You'll get back to it eventually 100x more ready for the fight.
Even when things got on the up swing I still felt like maybe I really fucked up by leaving that gig. I just recently caught up with one of the other founders, they are doing the 4th platform overhaul for the same client that I was trying to close 3 years ago. The big check is still around the corner. They will make the money, I'm proud of them and my experience, but I was right to leave for sure.
Keep at it! Put yourself first and you'll get rudder soon enough. There's really no need to rush it.