Without defending anyone, My honest takeout by the whole sexual harassment threshold in the bay area or the US in general is that you could never end up together or even married with a colleague in that paranoid atmosphere.
Which is exactly what I did where I live in Italy. Happily married and yes, after saying things to a colleague of mine that would have made me accused in the bay area.
There's a difference between being involved with a peer or with someone outside your reporting structure on the org chart, and being involved with someone who is inside your reporting structure. It's the differential in power when combined with sexual advances that creates problems, not the sexual advances alone.
Of course, unwanted sexual advances are a problem regardless of the relationship of the two parties, but unwanted or wanted advances between two people with a superior/subordinate relationship is where we get into trouble.
At all companies I've worked for in the US, there's never been a ban or stigma against colleagues dating, as long as there's no power differential between the two people. We still of course always expect people to behave professionally within a professional setting, but after-hours is your business.
If relationships between people with a power differential are commonplace in Italy, that's... unfortunate.
Men are more likely to create more barriers to protect themselves and prevent bad optics rather than walk on egg shells around women. This in turn limits opportunities for women (aka glass ceiling).
If men feel the need to "walk on eggshells" to avoid offending women, then they're already in a bad place. Most men don't actually feel this way. If your first instinct in dealing with a woman at work is to make a sexual joke, or comment on your colleague's attractiveness, or to scheme about how you could convince her to date you, then _you_ are the problem, and you have problems, and you should do something about it. That is not normal or excusable behavior.
As for "women generally date up", that is a near tautology given the imbalance in power generally between men and women. By the mere fact that men overwhelmingly hold positions of power, women will typically "date up". There is no way around that. So it's not a useful statistic and certainly isn't evidence of anything.
It's not a paranoid atmosphere. This harrassment is real. If the comments are come-ons are among peers and welcome, then that's one thing. If the come-ons are coming from someone you are asking for investment from, that's inappropriate. If the person is rebuffed but continues making comments or propositions, that's harassment. I'm hoping you didn't browbeat your spouse into an abusive relationship. Presumably your come-ons were welcome. The problem happens when they aren't, and when a rejection results in continued repetition of the behavior or worse, retaliation.
Which is exactly what I did where I live in Italy. Happily married and yes, after saying things to a colleague of mine that would have made me accused in the bay area.