I think that dependability is the key point. "My parents were never around" often translates to "my parents couldn't be relied on when it really matters". You don't have to spend 24/7 with your kids to establish the secure belief that you'll drop everything to help them; conversely, you can be present a great deal without ever giving the sense that you're a reliable resource.
I think this is what underpins the "dance recital" trope, or the similar "not getting picked up from soccer practice". It's not so much that you weren't there, but that you chose to prioritise something else or failed to honour a previous commitment.
Especially as children move into adolescence and start to develop independence, they want to know that their parents will provide a safe harbour to return to. I think that children are remarkably perceptive when assessing who can be trusted to get them out of a bad situation or handle a difficult conversation. Without necessarily realising it, parents send subtle messages every day about where their priorities really lie.
I think this is what underpins the "dance recital" trope, or the similar "not getting picked up from soccer practice". It's not so much that you weren't there, but that you chose to prioritise something else or failed to honour a previous commitment.
Especially as children move into adolescence and start to develop independence, they want to know that their parents will provide a safe harbour to return to. I think that children are remarkably perceptive when assessing who can be trusted to get them out of a bad situation or handle a difficult conversation. Without necessarily realising it, parents send subtle messages every day about where their priorities really lie.