Is it too late to become what she would have wanted? I don't mean to be glib, but you were a young kid then and (presumably) you're not anymore. Could you recreate her in your mind and allow her to influence you to become the person you would have been?
I'm a father, and I used to worry about what might happen to my young kids if I died. It would be a great comfort to me to imagine them, after they got older, making an effort to interview people who knew me, asking about what I was interested in, what mattered to me, what I used to talk about, how I talked, how serious/happy/neurotic/patient/stingy/grouchy/etc. I was. With this model, they could imagine conversations with me, discuss things with me, try not to disappoint me, etc.
Fortunately--for me, anyway--my kids are old enough now that they will never get my voice out of their heads, even if I get hit by a bus tomorrow (and even if they are driving the bus!) It's too late for them.
How about you? If you seriously think she might have made you a better person, why not help her by giving her a second chance?
A person recreated from memory is still a fake, no matter how accurate you and your memory are.
And most people do boot have the skill to do a full character model at the age of 6. It takes special talent nature to do that even when old. That is even ignoring the fact that people change and adapt over time in hard to predict ways.
So this thought exercise is actually protecting your own wishes through the light of some imagined model of a person. Might as well use Tarot cards instead.
And most people do boot have the skill to do a full character model at the age of 6.
The poster said he was 6 in 2001. It's no longer 2001, and he's no longer 6. I told him he couldn't have done it back then but it might be worth trying now.
You are right, it is a mind game, IMO just not as far fetched as you paint it.
I think what GP is aiming at is this: If you think you are a worse person (whatever that means) than you could be, be it from your or any other persons' perspective, is it too late to change?
Or put differently: Years after someones death, the picture of what one could be, is a mind-game already. From here to picturing what you/your mind would like to change is not that much of a stretch.
> I often wonder if I would have been a better person if she was there.
In general, your parents might be responsible for what you are when you turn 18, but every step you do afterwards is your responsibility. I know people who are over 50 and still make their parents responsible for the bad things in their life, ignoring the 30 years they had to fix the problems of their past.
So yes, it might be a bad start to loose your mother that early, but if you think you could do better (by your own standards): You are the only person who has the authority and power to change yourself.
Sorry, this might sound a little tough given the overall topic, but I think it is is very important to realize this early in life.
While I agree with you, if someone would have said the opposite - that they are where they are because of the support and guidance of their parents even when they were just getting started as an adult, few people would bat an eye.
I can say I am where I am because of all of my hard work. But I know that isn't entirely true. It would have been much harder for me to move out of the small town I grew up in and where I went to college, to the city where I live with much better opportunities making far too little to support myself in the beginning without their support. I can draw a pretty straight line from my first low paying job as a computer operator that didn't pay enough to make it to where I am today 20 years later.
If it weren't for them, I probably would have gotten a job that paid more then working on mainframes but without the growth opportunities in a small town.
I know the slightest glimse of death later last year when my parents came to visit me in the US. We had a great time, but I know they're living on borrowed time. I just hope I could do more for them. I am 30 now and my mind still can't make peace with that.
I often wonder if I would have been a better person if she was there.