My wife passed away in her sleep in 2016. It was unexpected. I woke up like it was any other day and then it wasn't. I never imagined something like that would happen. Learning how to carry on without my partner and my best friend has made these past two years the most challenging of my life.
In this time, I've learned a few things about grief. That it affects everyone differently. That there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Some of us feel guilt, anger, sadness, depression, or numbness... or all of the above.
I also discovered that my wife's passing and my grief made other people feel uncomfortable. I sensed it was hard for folks to know what to say or do. And that's ok—there isn't much you can say or do that will change things for those closest to loss.
But, speaking for myself, it does mean a lot when someone reaches out and shares their thoughts. In my experience, the best things to say are to acknowledge the hurt and to share how you feel. Avoid trying to make sense of it (you can't) or that things will get better (you don't know). If you're able, say the person's name. If you knew the person, tell your grieving friend how much she meant to you.
Matt, I didn't know your wife, Cindy, but I met you once and recall being struck by how smart, genuine, and kind you were, aside from all the great work you've done to help me learn about SEO. From what you've shared about Cindy, I can tell she is an amazing person, that she is loved, and that she is missed dearly. My heart goes out to you and your family.
My wife also passed away unexpectedly in her sleep in 2016.
My heart aches for Matt. I don't know him or his wife, but I know the feeling of being unmoored. In fact I've used that same word to describe it.
I agree that people never know how to act about the situation. It's weird now to think of all of the people I have met who only know me as a widower, who never knew me when my wife was alive.
I appreciated the outpouring of support I received in the immediate aftermath. It was overwhelming, but not unwelcome.
In this time, I've learned a few things about grief. That it affects everyone differently. That there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Some of us feel guilt, anger, sadness, depression, or numbness... or all of the above.
I also discovered that my wife's passing and my grief made other people feel uncomfortable. I sensed it was hard for folks to know what to say or do. And that's ok—there isn't much you can say or do that will change things for those closest to loss.
But, speaking for myself, it does mean a lot when someone reaches out and shares their thoughts. In my experience, the best things to say are to acknowledge the hurt and to share how you feel. Avoid trying to make sense of it (you can't) or that things will get better (you don't know). If you're able, say the person's name. If you knew the person, tell your grieving friend how much she meant to you.
Matt, I didn't know your wife, Cindy, but I met you once and recall being struck by how smart, genuine, and kind you were, aside from all the great work you've done to help me learn about SEO. From what you've shared about Cindy, I can tell she is an amazing person, that she is loved, and that she is missed dearly. My heart goes out to you and your family.