To take this joke and place it right back into reality:
Holy fuck, if a bank were to actually track every purchase I make, I'd freak out and switch banks. I always keep a bit of cash on hand so I have the freedom of buying something that isn't tracked by anyone. It's nice to be able to buy a beer without your bank knowing about it, you know?
I really really hope no bank every tries to pull anything like that. Even those of you who use cards for everything must appreciate the idea that you're able to buy things without your bank knowing what you bought, or even that you bought anything at all?
I actually use cash as often as possible, but not out of paranoia or privacy concerns. You can't avoid being a drop in the sea of data collected nowadays, and it's awfully self-centered to think that a for-profit corporation gives a rat's ass that you bought a beer. Using that information to determine my insurance premium? Yeah, that would be a problem.
I tend to use cash simply because I'd rather have more of the money I spend go to the actual retailer (especially if it's a small business) than the bank. As a former retail business owner, I know how oppressive transaction fees are... yes, even debit card purchases.
