I would be more patient and kind and sweet. I would encourage them more.
But, at the same time I would raise my expectations. I did this for the later kids and it's made them harder workers and more responsible.
I would spend more time teaching them to enjoy work instead of play. Find the joy of accomplishment.
I would never ever (ever again) overlook disrespectful, rude or nasty behavior in any way. Because a 3 year old making nasty faces is cute, but a 16 year old making the exact same face she has made for years is hurtful, insulting and simply aggravating.
I would recognize that almost all the bad behaviors a child has is the same I have, but without any adult filters to hide it properly.
I would be so much more vigilant about knowing what my kid is dealing with at school. We had a few really bad teachers that really affected my kids poorly and it broke my heart to only learn about it after the fact.
I would teach my child to be strong, brave and have real courage. Give her opportunities to have courage and really demonstrate how to stand up to others.
But I would do all of these things patiently. I would let her fail and not be angry. Failure is fine, as long as they know what is right and good to do, they will try again. But I was harsh on failure and it drove a wedge between my oldest daughter and me, that I had to work hard to repair after she had left home.
There are about a dozen moments in my kids lives over many years where I really wanted to not have to do something or face something. And the failure I had with my oldest gave me the resolve to not fail at it again. Things like making excuses not to spend time on something, or justifying not correcting bad behavior.
Which brings up another minor issue about behavior, I learned that you just have to tell a child what you expect them to do for almost all problems to be solved. I can often refer to my own behavior and say "do what I do".
I corrected mass family issues by simply fixing my own personal problems as well. Instead of trying to correct everyone else's, they came around to see I didn't tolerate or engage in the behavior I wanted to change in the family.
I could go on and on with this stuff, but ultimately, things changed and I dealt with my kids better when I made everything my own personal responsibility to resolve and doing so in a way I wanted to be treated. I know this sounds almost trite, but when you do it for real at first you don't get results, but if you permanently change, everyone around you can't help but see it.
I found that being kind and loving to my kids over all things, and taking full responsibility openly in front of the family (meaning I would gather everyone together to apologize for something I had done in front of the whole family) gives me a permanent solution to all future problems. You just can't foresee what each kid is going to be dealing with or what problems they will bring to the table, so I needed the ultimate answer to give me a strong base to solve issues from.
Last, I grew up in an abusive home, no details needed, but it was damn near a nightmare most of my childhood. And I thought (with my first kid) that suffer made a kid stronger and able to deal with the harsh realities of life. But this is not true at all. Kids who have a hard life can barely get up in the morning let alone face yet another struggle. So, after seeing this massive failure (I learned this from my mother, she said it plainly so I am not assuming this theory from her) I started to build my kids up. Tell them that hard work, doing your best and encouraging them to not give up and to face hardship head on made happier and more solid kids. Now when the younger kids face something hard, they take it in stride, where my oldest still struggles with somethings that I regret so badly for not helping her learn to face.
Sorry this got so long. You are raising adults, not children. The goal of parenting is a solid, happy, humble, brave, wise adult... (fill in your own here of course, these are only a few I could think of)
But, at the same time I would raise my expectations. I did this for the later kids and it's made them harder workers and more responsible.
I would spend more time teaching them to enjoy work instead of play. Find the joy of accomplishment.
I would never ever (ever again) overlook disrespectful, rude or nasty behavior in any way. Because a 3 year old making nasty faces is cute, but a 16 year old making the exact same face she has made for years is hurtful, insulting and simply aggravating.
I would recognize that almost all the bad behaviors a child has is the same I have, but without any adult filters to hide it properly.
I would be so much more vigilant about knowing what my kid is dealing with at school. We had a few really bad teachers that really affected my kids poorly and it broke my heart to only learn about it after the fact.
I would teach my child to be strong, brave and have real courage. Give her opportunities to have courage and really demonstrate how to stand up to others.
But I would do all of these things patiently. I would let her fail and not be angry. Failure is fine, as long as they know what is right and good to do, they will try again. But I was harsh on failure and it drove a wedge between my oldest daughter and me, that I had to work hard to repair after she had left home.
There are about a dozen moments in my kids lives over many years where I really wanted to not have to do something or face something. And the failure I had with my oldest gave me the resolve to not fail at it again. Things like making excuses not to spend time on something, or justifying not correcting bad behavior.
Which brings up another minor issue about behavior, I learned that you just have to tell a child what you expect them to do for almost all problems to be solved. I can often refer to my own behavior and say "do what I do".
I corrected mass family issues by simply fixing my own personal problems as well. Instead of trying to correct everyone else's, they came around to see I didn't tolerate or engage in the behavior I wanted to change in the family.
I could go on and on with this stuff, but ultimately, things changed and I dealt with my kids better when I made everything my own personal responsibility to resolve and doing so in a way I wanted to be treated. I know this sounds almost trite, but when you do it for real at first you don't get results, but if you permanently change, everyone around you can't help but see it.
I found that being kind and loving to my kids over all things, and taking full responsibility openly in front of the family (meaning I would gather everyone together to apologize for something I had done in front of the whole family) gives me a permanent solution to all future problems. You just can't foresee what each kid is going to be dealing with or what problems they will bring to the table, so I needed the ultimate answer to give me a strong base to solve issues from.
Last, I grew up in an abusive home, no details needed, but it was damn near a nightmare most of my childhood. And I thought (with my first kid) that suffer made a kid stronger and able to deal with the harsh realities of life. But this is not true at all. Kids who have a hard life can barely get up in the morning let alone face yet another struggle. So, after seeing this massive failure (I learned this from my mother, she said it plainly so I am not assuming this theory from her) I started to build my kids up. Tell them that hard work, doing your best and encouraging them to not give up and to face hardship head on made happier and more solid kids. Now when the younger kids face something hard, they take it in stride, where my oldest still struggles with somethings that I regret so badly for not helping her learn to face.
Sorry this got so long. You are raising adults, not children. The goal of parenting is a solid, happy, humble, brave, wise adult... (fill in your own here of course, these are only a few I could think of)