I had never heard of an ACE score, it is interesting. I’m a 6 and my wife is a 9. We grew up poor too. We had a kid at 15 (heh, hi ACE score in action). She was an A and B student and I was nearly all A’s. I don’t know if the IQ test I took back then was legit, but I was 150 or 140. I don’t want to get too deep in the woods, but I want to say you are not your numbers. You have it in you to be happy, to be successful, and to have good relationships. My wife and I are still together since 14 years old. Three kids, a good home, I love my career and job, I have hobbies I enjoy. It is not all sunshine and rainbows and life has been HARD. The stats say we should have ended up one way, yet we ended up another. You are not your numbers.
You are not your numbers is a rural sensibility and assumption.
During the Iraq War veterans were coming back with PTSD and seeing psychologists and psychiatrists. Some of them had multiple comobidities; depression, anxiety, Bipolar, with the PTSD and were send to get MRI Scans.
What they discovered is there was no brain damage, but certain areas of the brain weren't as developed as they ought to be; they administered ACE tests and found out everyone had high ACE scores. Other studies were done and are being done and are finding evidence of somatization; when you aren't raised right your brain physically doesn't develop properly.
Pick up a copy of the body keeps the score by Van der Kolk, and Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. Your wife undoubtedly has gastrointestinal issues from her situation and you have your issues (likely over-resorting to fight, flight freeze or fawn responses), those books will help to cure you. I also reccomend seeing a complex trauma specialist even if you don't think you need to.
What you will end up finding out is that there is such a thing as a complex trauma family and trauma tends to be passed down from one generation to the next and become more severe until the blood line just fails. The CDC study on ACE's shows a score of 4 or higher reduces your average life expectancy by 20 years. There have been a few studies correlating high ace scores, specificially sexual abuse victims, and a specific type of rare cancer.
You will also need to go through a few iterations. I've changed tremendously from the person I was to the person I am now, and in that process, ended up completely forgetting my childhood and some of my early adult hood. Couldn't remember grade school teachers names which is not like me. My brain had repressed those memories because they were incompatible with who I am now and as I remember and re-remember them they get integrated and I gain more emotional and mental self-control and become more capible of handling future trauma.
