I think that is definitely something that you have to be willing to balk from in a relationship. There will always be things that your partner insist you do, and things that you insist your partner.
When I would put up a fuss over my mother making me do something as a kid, she would eventually exclaim "Would you just humor me and do it?" Being an adult now I get that reaction. A lot of the times it's hard to describe your position to someone else, like my mother attempting to make me do something as a kid that I don't understand the ramifications of since I'm a kid, like going to the doctor's office. Obviously going to the doctor's office is necessary maintenance for a human, but as a kid you only see it as getting in the way of your playtime.
Being an adult is knowing that you will sometimes be the kid or the parent in this sort of scenario plenty of times, and that it's usually a lot easier to swallow your pride and humor your partner, rather than die on your hill like a child throwing a tantrum over not wanting to go to the doctor's office.
This is a very healthy perspective on relationships and I fear the nuance of this view is often lost in discussions about relationships. I'm sure that if you posted this on a Reddit relationship forum, you'd get responses telling you that this is oppression or abuse, and you shouldn't put up with it.
Relationships are all based on compromise, and the art of compromise is really what makes a relationship. I love the story you tell of your mother saying "Would you just humor me and do it?". My father did the same.
Yes, and I assume this is implied, but compromise must strike an acceptable balance. When things get too one-sided it's generally a recipe for trouble.
A good rule of thumb is for both partners to estimate their contributions or compromises to be 60+% of the total, and then there's some chance that it'll be fair (i.e. most people over-estimate their contribution/sacrifice)
I think a lot of relationship issues result from a struggle over balance/fairness because they aren't sufficiently dedicated to the others' interests and well-being.
I have a two year old. So far I haven't used that phrase but I think I will add it to my bag'o'tricks.
So far what has worked is spending time trying to explain. He looks at me quietly, you can see his cogs whirring and - while he has not much comprehension of my reasoning - he goes along with it because:
- whatever Dad is saying must be important because he is putting effort into it.
- if I do it he'll shut up and I can go back to fun...
True. From some books I've gone through however, the act of making your partner happy often has the side effect of making yourself happy and the same act of making them happy tends to make them want to do things to make you happy. A lovely cycle. People tend to want to be "right" - and that usually means someone else is wrong. Not often a good way to build a loving relationship.
When I would put up a fuss over my mother making me do something as a kid, she would eventually exclaim "Would you just humor me and do it?" Being an adult now I get that reaction. A lot of the times it's hard to describe your position to someone else, like my mother attempting to make me do something as a kid that I don't understand the ramifications of since I'm a kid, like going to the doctor's office. Obviously going to the doctor's office is necessary maintenance for a human, but as a kid you only see it as getting in the way of your playtime.
Being an adult is knowing that you will sometimes be the kid or the parent in this sort of scenario plenty of times, and that it's usually a lot easier to swallow your pride and humor your partner, rather than die on your hill like a child throwing a tantrum over not wanting to go to the doctor's office.