>By the standards of modern disk and network, couldn't they download revocation caches the way they do with malware?
The whole point is to check if a cert has been revoked. If you have an out of date cache, you'll falsely approve a cert that should be revoked. I'm not defending the system as a whole, but if you care about revoking authentication – which they clearly do – then a cache directly undermines that goal.
A malware hash doesn't get revoked, new ones just get added.
Apple asks you every time you upgrade OSX whether you want to send anonymous data to Apple and third parties. You just need to click no.