You are of course right and if I stop and think about it rationally, everything is relatively alright.
The thing is that I've had to deal with a lot of health issues over the past decade and it's very disheartening to go without a proper diagnosis and treatment for so long. Compared to my old self, I'm definitely playing life on hard mode and I just don't have the energy for it any longer.
Im not afraid of death. Ceasing to exist would be a lot easier than struggling every day. I'm more afraid that my life won't ever get any easier and I just have to sit in and go through the motions, without actually living and enjoying life.
It seems like you’re struggling alone. There will be someone you can talk to regardless of your means and who can find you people and resources so you’re not struggling alone. Call a suicide hotline for your country, talk to a therapist, call a Priest, but make a connection and stop suffering alone. You matter. I might be just a person on the internet but I’m praying for you.
The thing is that I've had to deal with a lot of health issues over the past decade and it's very disheartening to go without a proper diagnosis and treatment for so long. Compared to my old self, I'm definitely playing life on hard mode and I just don't have the energy for it any longer.
Im not afraid of death. Ceasing to exist would be a lot easier than struggling every day. I'm more afraid that my life won't ever get any easier and I just have to sit in and go through the motions, without actually living and enjoying life.