I don't want to dunk on you with really obvious suggestions like "you have a bad resume, fix it" type comments, maybe you've already had it looked over, and you're in a non-optimal location or something. Maybe ask a few specific questions on reddit somewhere like r/cscareerquestions.

I've been wracking my brain for years over this, and I'm still not any closer to understanding what the problem is.

I've had my resume looked at and tweaked over and over. I never send a cover letter without having someone else proofread and offer suggestions. I've lived and worked in many tech-hub places, including San Francisco for 6 years.

I just don't know... I think it's got to be socially related, but I have a hard time examining that aspect because I'm autistic. But I always make a concerted effort not to offend people, to make sure everyone gets their say and can contribute. People even say I'm a really nice guy, so then I'm left wondering what exactly "it" is that's tanking me...

It always happens the same way:

- I get a job and everyone is super friendly. Some inevitable technical hiccups getting set up for the first month, but no big deal.

- Everything goes swimmingly for the next 6 months to a year. People seem happy with me, performance reviews are fine, 1-on-1 with the boss is fine. I even make a point of asking if they're unhappy with anything about me, and they say "no, everything's fine".

Then one day things go bad (or maybe they've been bad and I didn't see). People start being rude to me, start shutting me out of conversations, start being extra harsh or petty in code reviews etc. In some cases they start name-calling. No higher-ups step in so I try to avoid the people doing this and not antagonize them.

Eventually my boss brings me in for the "it's not working out" talk. They can never give me a solid reason why, and often they resort to roundabout firing methods because it's technically illegal otherwise. There's never a warning, never a list of things to improve upon. I spend most of my days at a company wondering when I'll get "the call". The worst one happened on Dec 23rd.

So yeah... Probably nothing that anyone on HN could help with, because the feedback mechanism I'm subjected to is so vague. But it's frustrating nonetheless, and even today I have constant stress spikes whenever my boss asks to talk to me for a minute about something, wondering if this is it.

> I think it's got to be socially related, but I have a hard time examining that aspect because I'm autistic.

There you have it. It's brutally unfair, but autism, if strong enough to be perceivable, sounds like the most likely cause: you're different, and people don't like you because of it.

Even worse, I believe that people on the autism spectrum don't even perceive they're different. I personally have no idea whether I'm on that spectrum, or how far. Still: my own Mom once stated the "obvious": that I must notice that I'm not like others. I had to tell her that I don't. At 35.

So. People perceive you're different. It's obvious enough that they expect you to perceive that difference, even though you may not. So when you fail to conform to the obscure (to you) group norm, they end up rejecting you. Perhaps even rationalising that you're doing it on purpose (remember, the difference is obvious to them). Then you're out of the group.

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There may be other factors as well. Folks tend to be kinder, more forgiving, of pretty people, so if you can improve that in any way, try to do so (one habit at a time though, take it easy). The easiest thing to go for, I think, is clothing: try having someone you trust chose your clothes for you. Pay explicit attention to the dress code at your workplace, emulate it a little (but don't buy the exact same clothes either!). Also consider light makeup if you're a woman (and maybe get counsel about that too).

Much harder is taking good care of your health. If you're fat, unfit, or otherwise unhealthy, try to work on that. Sleeping well, eating well, and exercising properly is surprisingly hard when you're not used to it, but it's a must.

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Edit: also consider telling your colleagues about your autism. I expect it's not easy, and it may not even be a good idea, but there's a chance that people knew why you are the way you are, they'd tolerate it better.

(edit: oops sorry I didn't properly parse the bit about being autistic on first read. I won't delete my suggestions in case they are useful in some way)

Well the coworker stuff is a separate issue because recruiters don't usually know you, probably you need to address the two issues separately.

As for improving your interactions with coworkers, I'll just throw a few ideas because who knows, maybe the answer will come from a random source like me:

- read 'How to win friends and influence people', maybe some stuff by Mark Manson.

- Try to learn from your successful relationships what you're good at/comfortable with

- Actively choose the environment you aim work in to fit your social strengths e.g. team size, people types. ( This one depends a bit on solving the jobsearch issues first )