It's funny you mention staying in New York to have a social life. I found it to be the worst place I've lived in the US for socializing. People are mistrustful of strangers, extremely busy, and often separated by absurd travel times (it can easily take 20 min to travel 1 mile without a car).
For those reasons, I wasn't able to make new friends outside of work, couldn't see my friends on weekdays, and generally felt lonely all the time.
New York is the worst! There's nothing to do if you don't like drinking, concerts, going to the park, visiting museums, touring galleries, eating every type of cuisine known to man, hanging out at the beach, skateboarding, bicycle riding, dance classes, heavy metal, reggaeton, nightclubs, techno raves, rock climbing gyms, Tinder dates, playing speedchess for money, listening to buskers, riding the subway, vintage clothing stores, reading books at the cafe, getting brunch with your friends, playing frisbee, cocktail bars, pizza, bagels, tech meetups, high technology jobs, working on Wall Street, exploring historical landmarks dating back to pre-Revolutionary times, urban exploration, fishing, hot pot, listening to old Chinese men play the zither, rollerblading, high fashion, recreational drug use, recreational sex, visiting immigrant flophouses, Japanese ex-pat izakayas, wandering around in the wee small hours of the morning ...
I've found that everyone who loves living in New York is either rich or thinks that no other city has [list of things every big city has], and admitting that quality of life there is low becomes this enormous pride issue.
I worked on Wall Street. It was a horrendous combination of boring, stressful, and full of assholes.
Almost all of the other things you listed are available in other cities that are cheaper, easier to get around in, friendlier, cleaner, and warmer.
And you can't do any of those things with your friends if you don't have friends, if your friends work the typical NYC 8am-8pm (including commute), or if you're too tired from all the bullshit you have to do just to survive on a day to day basis.
I'm not exactly social but I have nearly a dozen friends within 5-10 minutes of where I currently live. We all work full-time and also don't drink and easily see each other 1-2 times per week, sometimes we do more involved trips on weekends. I've observed the behavior you're citing much more in Austin and LA where you have to have a car, drive and park in any social setting.
If you don't like your social life or how people interact with you it's always easy just to blame where you live.
For those reasons, I wasn't able to make new friends outside of work, couldn't see my friends on weekdays, and generally felt lonely all the time.