When I think of Toxic Kindness the concept of mollycoddling comes to mind. There's an emphasis on avoiding negativity and criticism as not to invalidate someone's feelings. Growing up I remember being told, "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all". Roughly, that represents the general concept.

But what I've found is that a lot of the toxic positivity types still hold a lot of negative emotion. However they can't express it without some justification. That justification usually comes in the form of attacking someone who has committed a transgression of expected kindness.

"But what I've found is that a lot of the toxic positivity types still hold a lot of negative emotion. However they can't express it without some justification. That justification usually comes in the form of attacking someone who has committed a transgression of expected kindness."

I notice that too. It seems some people look for a social hedge or 'permission' before they'll say something disagreeable to save face.

I'm not so sure I buy the idea that holding back disagreeable opinions or observations is an act of "kindness" per say. To me it seems more like trying to navigate social relationships with tact. I can loosely see how holding back the urge to "let that son of a bitch know what I really think" can be construed as such but I don't really believe that fits the bill either.

There's a massive difference between the idea of kindness coming from a place of understanding where you're letting people know you see their struggle and genuinely believe in their inherant worth and ability to overcome or cope with those struggles vs subtle or overt manipulation for the sake of being socially placating.

> I don't really believe there is such a thing as toxic kindness

Spend some time in Seattle, you'll change your mind.