If you follow that back, it turns out that 'active listening' was introduced as a skill/approach for counselors and therapists in controlled settings with their patients. It might be best reserved for such situations.
Active listening is a key component in conflict resolution. Counter to popular opinion, active listening is not patiently keeping your mouth shut and trying to make the other think you are paying attention. Key word is active and it means asking clarifying questions and humbly testing your understanding of what they are saying.
Exercised as such, I find it is "best reserved" for just about every conversation you have.
First time I heard of active listening was in a corporate self-improvement class. People around me (the majority were extroverted bay area marketing/product folks) were mind blown. Many had never experienced anything like it. To me, it was just... listening. (Not saying this to self-promote, I had the same experience as them in other exercises.)
I do think there's a cultural distinction as well. Americans have a very intense small talk conversational culture. If you stop and think, it's a sign of weakness, so people are very good at filling the void if need be. In other cultures, speaking prematurely without anything good to say can be worse than saying nothing.
interesting the phrase dates to '57. The rise of modern pop-sci, bearing in mind Coué and Dale Carnegie had been plodding along since the early 1900s, I had assumed this was older. But, its surprisingly modern in some ways.
Active listening is a black art (black? white?) -because it can be overbearing done wrong. It really depends how its done. "I know, I know" can be like "stop schooling me" receiver side, when in fact sender side its 'Yes, I am here, I agree, I follow, I am listening'
Just saying "I know" or positive affirmations isn't active listening. Active listening is more about repeating back to the person what you heard, but in your own voice/words/understanding to constantly sync with the person you're listening to that you understood.
Aside from (as an extrovert) finding this helpful in understanding, as someone with ADHD it also stops my mind wandering from listening.
Done right, it deepens communication and a sense of feeling understood in a true sense.
Ah, facts. When your active listener says "correct" to show agreement and you feel like you're being schooled "correct: ten points to gryffendor" Uh no. I know I was correct, you aren't the judge of facts here..
