Is this an American thing? Many of my friends now days were previous colleagues but I see your opinion a lot. "People at work aren't your friends" etc. I wonder if this is because everyone drives to work in the US, so drinking/activities after work become harder. Where as in the UK, this is less common. More people cycle/walk/take the bus, and so can go drinking after work.
People would leave for other companies and still meet up for drinks after work, they'd move away but we'd still stay in touch and meet up if they were ever in town at our usual pub. We'd go snowboarding/surfing/hiking together. Pretty much all my non-school/university friends came from work. I can't imagine not being friends with all these people.
Right now I love remote work, but I feel I'd have a much smaller social circle if I graduated during the pandemic and went straight into remote work.
Hacker news acts as if anything but detesting your coworkers is shameful. I'm in my 20s working a tech job with other people very much like me, the company pays for a lot of events which turn in to outright parties. I'm not ashamed to admit that some of these work parties have been some of the most fun moments for me. The company has more money than my friends and I do so the parties are on another level where there are hired boats, entertainers, venues, etc.
I have an active social life outside of coworkers as well, but its very different. We do modest and affordable things like getting dinner or playing board games.
I mean, getting along with co-worker is great. And yes, you can do that, and should.
But the interplay of money and status-games at work can really mess these things up. Things are great when you're just hanging out with peers. But what happens when the boss shows up? What happens when the peers become your superiors or subordinates? What happens when the company starts having layoffs, or stack-ranking? These relationships go to shit.
There are also a lot of invisible boundaries that need to be maintained, not least around sexuality.
So no, don't detest your coworkers. Maybe even invest in friendships with them. But understand that, until you're working for different companies, there needs to be a little bit of a wall.
Your comment seems to be true of US big tech, but at Australian startups, no one is worried about being too friendly and getting canceled. Where I work the managers and execs attend these parties too and no one is afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Walking on eggshells in US big tech just doesn't seem worth it.
It's partly a Tech thing, I think. Those workplaces can be pretty competitive and a little brutal inside, so people start worrying that they're going to get stabbed in the back. In lower-pressure jobs this is less of an issue.
