>The thoughtfulness and kindness what makes a gift, a gift.
That gift is priceless for me from now on. It can be a mug, it can be a pin, it can be a watch, or anything.
Have a 75-year old friend that thought exactly like this and because of it, her house ended up being cluttered with tons of cat trinkets that she didn't want because her coworkers happen to find out "she likes cats". So she had cat figurines, cat pot holders, cat pins, cat stuffed toys, cat Christmas ornaments, etc. Decades of accumulated stuff like that. The items were things she didn't enjoy and would never buy herself but she hung on to them because of the cultural meme of "it's the thought that counts!" being beat into her head. She's not an assertive person so it wasn't in her personality to tell people to "stop getting me cat things" -- so she just smiled and thanked them. And because she felt "obligated" to the thoughtfulness and memory of the giver, she felt compelled to keep everything and constantly relocate them to the next house when she had to move. She didn't know what to do with all of it and it didn't feel right to her to throw it all away.
I finally convinced her to just put all the accumulated gifts on Craigslist as a "free giveaway". This was the psychological breakthrough she needed because she knew whoever would come get them would actually want the items. She finally was able to de-clutter her house.
I was only able to give her that advice because 99% of the gifts I received just created clutter in my house and my brain.
>, and is a great disservice to the person who bought the gift.
As counterpoint, buying a gift can be a disservice to the recipient as you've now added a destructive mental loop in their brain that has to figure out how to reconcile the giver's generosity with an unwanted item.
The above situation makes me wonder if society needs a total re-think of gifting etiquette where only very close family relations exchange gifts such as husbands/wives and parents/children.
For lesser relations like coworkers, the counterintuitive thinking that can make life better: not buying a gift is "the gift of not forcing the recipients to expend mental energy about that unwanted item later in life".
My friend did enjoy giftcards from Starbucks. She likes coffee and it didn't clutter up the house. The problem with gift cards is that many think it's too vulgar (or "low effort") because it's a thin veneer over cash. Understandable. But that's also why she keeps getting "real gifts" she doesn't want.
I understand where you are coming from, but in my case saying "My house a little bit too cluttered with these, can you bring me less/none of these from now on" is a very possible thing to do. It can be also said politely, and a real friend wouldn't take it personally, too.
I also tend to give out worn out or very old gifts to people who appreciate them. It's not easy as writing for me, too, but I know the real dangers of having an unintended hoarder's den.
On the other side of the equation, if my friend tells me that buying them these gifts creates mental load and clutter in their life, I'd listen. I'd instead gift experiences and/or expendables (e.g. gift cards), if he/she accepts.
I think these matters can be discussed, and it will certainly improve the friendship and the relationship between two parties.
If I can get enough information about people, I'd buy them what they like. This can be socks, gift cards, or just a box of chocolate.
I don't wish my gifts become burdens or pain points in one's life. I'd also not get offended if someone gives away something I gifted.
Being human and good relations is rooted in communication. No need to put this into hard molds and make people miserable by projecting our values over others under nice names. I buy gifts to make people smile. If I can learn what makes you smile most, I'll get that one. If not getting one will make you smile, I'll get you none.
Few times I've "gifted" a dinner, or some activity within a trip we take together they'd already be paying for, or consumables like good wine, or niche food from my home country. I can keep going but you get the point. When I couldn't afford much stuff, hanging out for an afternoon together and me paying for ice cream could be the gift. Maybe make your wishes known to your friends and adapt your own giving style.
In my experience "I don't give gifts because gift giving isn't efficient and here's a study proving my point" isn't conducive to fostering friendships.
If the people you hang out with think cat trinkets or socks are good gifts, I get why you became so jaded to it. Becoming the person that can give such gifts that are in the categories you appreciate, and cultivating friendships with others that do the same is way better approach in my view than just walking away from gift giving as a whole.
> When I couldn't afford much stuff, hanging out for an afternoon together and me paying for ice cream could be the gift. Maybe make your wishes known to your friends and adapt your own giving style.
That is essentially gifting them your time and honestly I appreciate the company more than trinkets
This is why I like consumable gifts the best. A dinner, a soap, some chocolate or wine.
But even that can trip up people who like to keep stuff in pristine condition. I think there would be a market for products that come in a "open" state - the cover torn off, a fake outer seal broken, 3 chocolate slots empty ("eaten") etc. so they can be more suitable for hoarders.
For the best part of 20 years I felt chocolate as a gift was a poor choice. But a month or so ago someone gave me some figs with the inside replaced with chocolate and it was such a novel gift (for me) that I'd say it is the best gift I got in years. Novelty is king for me.
Similar story with wine. Someone went to the effort of buying me a bottle that you can't get in USA from my home country and it was really special.
Have a 75-year old friend that thought exactly like this and because of it, her house ended up being cluttered with tons of cat trinkets that she didn't want because her coworkers happen to find out "she likes cats". So she had cat figurines, cat pot holders, cat pins, cat stuffed toys, cat Christmas ornaments, etc. Decades of accumulated stuff like that. The items were things she didn't enjoy and would never buy herself but she hung on to them because of the cultural meme of "it's the thought that counts!" being beat into her head. She's not an assertive person so it wasn't in her personality to tell people to "stop getting me cat things" -- so she just smiled and thanked them. And because she felt "obligated" to the thoughtfulness and memory of the giver, she felt compelled to keep everything and constantly relocate them to the next house when she had to move. She didn't know what to do with all of it and it didn't feel right to her to throw it all away.
I finally convinced her to just put all the accumulated gifts on Craigslist as a "free giveaway". This was the psychological breakthrough she needed because she knew whoever would come get them would actually want the items. She finally was able to de-clutter her house.
I was only able to give her that advice because 99% of the gifts I received just created clutter in my house and my brain.
>, and is a great disservice to the person who bought the gift.
As counterpoint, buying a gift can be a disservice to the recipient as you've now added a destructive mental loop in their brain that has to figure out how to reconcile the giver's generosity with an unwanted item.
The above situation makes me wonder if society needs a total re-think of gifting etiquette where only very close family relations exchange gifts such as husbands/wives and parents/children.
For lesser relations like coworkers, the counterintuitive thinking that can make life better: not buying a gift is "the gift of not forcing the recipients to expend mental energy about that unwanted item later in life".
My friend did enjoy giftcards from Starbucks. She likes coffee and it didn't clutter up the house. The problem with gift cards is that many think it's too vulgar (or "low effort") because it's a thin veneer over cash. Understandable. But that's also why she keeps getting "real gifts" she doesn't want.