> Sometimes relationships just don't work for either person, despite everyone's best efforts.
This "sometimes" works for me every single time. I'm 40+ and never had any friends.
> Sometimes you can find an unexpected new relationship that's less than 'friendship' but still valuable and compelling.
I never experienced this as like. All my relationships end when we stop meeting each other at work.
> If you think about it like someone did something wrong
Oh... I do not think that I did something wrong. I think I didn't do something. Systematically. I'm not sure what exactly. The article gives some hints, but I need to think it through, to be sure.
I spend my teens to figure out how to not do something wrong. I'm very good at it, I even do not need to think about it, I just do not do anything wrong. It became ingrained to such an extent, that I cannot even imagine what I can do wrong, because my mind suggests only "right" options.
> Generally, you can make any relationship closer by investing more time into it. But that means you risk getting stuck in trying to make a relationship fill a spot it won't ever fill.
Your wisdom probably very wise and useful, but only for people who already have some relationships and need to decide what to do with them next. I have no relationships and I do not believe I will, so all your advice is wasted on me.
At the same time the article we discuss gives me something to think about. Yeah, I'm vulnerable and I'm not going to risk being hurt by a careless person only to get some intimacy. I'm not going to ask people weird questions, because they can ask them back. I mean, I can deal with it, I can wriggle out of any uncomfortable question, but it is kinda unfair to them if I ask but do not answer.
I'm really sorry to hear about how hard a time you've had forming friendships. I think you're right that I'm talking about how to invest energy and focus once you've found something that's stable and natural on some level.
I do think the article presents a lot of sensible and well-framed approaches. They talks sensibly and systematically about systemic concerns around friendship. I hope you find companionship.
This "sometimes" works for me every single time. I'm 40+ and never had any friends.
> Sometimes you can find an unexpected new relationship that's less than 'friendship' but still valuable and compelling.
I never experienced this as like. All my relationships end when we stop meeting each other at work.
> If you think about it like someone did something wrong
Oh... I do not think that I did something wrong. I think I didn't do something. Systematically. I'm not sure what exactly. The article gives some hints, but I need to think it through, to be sure.
I spend my teens to figure out how to not do something wrong. I'm very good at it, I even do not need to think about it, I just do not do anything wrong. It became ingrained to such an extent, that I cannot even imagine what I can do wrong, because my mind suggests only "right" options.
> Generally, you can make any relationship closer by investing more time into it. But that means you risk getting stuck in trying to make a relationship fill a spot it won't ever fill.
Your wisdom probably very wise and useful, but only for people who already have some relationships and need to decide what to do with them next. I have no relationships and I do not believe I will, so all your advice is wasted on me.
At the same time the article we discuss gives me something to think about. Yeah, I'm vulnerable and I'm not going to risk being hurt by a careless person only to get some intimacy. I'm not going to ask people weird questions, because they can ask them back. I mean, I can deal with it, I can wriggle out of any uncomfortable question, but it is kinda unfair to them if I ask but do not answer.