I don't think we need to go as far as to point fingers at MeToo for this. We have an entire generation of young adults who hit puberty after smartphones, social media and dating apps became standard. They might have never had to ask someone out in person, and going to a bar to meet someone would be the last place they think of.
> We have an entire generation of young adults who hit puberty after smartphones
It's unfair to blame #metoo, but it isn't unfair to blame a modern version of PC that expresses itself as puritanism. This is the least sex-having generation of all time. They're afraid that saying the wrong thing to each other is genocide or rape, especially the wrong sexual thing.
It's actually become more bimodal when it comes to approaching women, or at least this was accurate between 2013-2020: There are largely two groups of men--sexual outlaws and polite society. Sexual outlaws (star athletes, musicians, drug dealers, frat boys, etc.) are expected to behave outrageously and thus won't be overly chastised for making outrageous propositions, whereas an otherwise polite society member can be blasted for coming across as inappropriate in the wrong scenario. It doesn't necessarily line up with who's attractive and who's unattractive, either.
It reminds me of the Solzhenitsyn quote about knives. If a criminal is caught with a knife he doesn't know any better, it's his tradition. But if you're caught with a knife, this is a serious crime, and you must be harshly punished.
> Guys in the post-#metoo era just won't approach a girl at a bar the way they used to.
Bars were not a good place to find dates decades ago either. That’s more of a tired movie trope.
The bigger issue is that people just don’t seem to get out and do things as much as they did in the time before we all had unlimited entertainment options at our fingertips from the comfort of home. As soon as you do break the cycle and start doing activities in the real world, you discover that there are a lot of interesting people just a few degrees outside of your friend groups and activities.
Local meetups and hobbyist clubs of various sorts are full of interesting people who are already interested in some of the same things that you are. This brings down a huge barrier of getting to know someone: you've broken the ice merely by having an interest in a certain subject.
This is why people advocate to have hobbies (i.e., not-monetized ways to spend your time) outside of work, or at the very least a "third place" where you can meet new people in low-friction ways.
Guys also just don't want to go to bars. Even in my 20s, "going out" always felt like a chore that I had to do to find a partner.
Approaching girls in public has high social consequences. I've read enough reddit [0][1][2] or seen enough news articles about people banned from businesses because a guy was seen as creepy.
Men need to learn what is ok and not ok when communicating with women. This is already an challenge because what is ok with one woman is not ok with another. Add in the shifting society view of what is appropriate turns it into an impossible task.
It just seems safer to do nothing and wait for the girl to make the first move.
> Approaching girls in public has high social consequences.
My read on it is that, like cold calling and door-to-door sales, this is a skill. You can be naturally good at it, you can develop it, or you can be self-aware that you suck at it and do something else.
As someone who has met all his partners in places other than bars/tinder and without any dramatic public approaches like what you're describing I would say that it's important to keep in mind that there are plenty of ways you will meet people. Obsessing over the ways that you won't meet people is counterproductive.
> It just seems safer to do nothing and wait for the girl to make the first move.
For the most part girls will not do this. Any woman who has ever dated men eventually learns that if a man is interested he'll make it known and if you have to chase him he's not interested. For that reason most eventually give up on making the first move because those situations never go anywhere, whereas when men make the first move they do. It's not necessarily fair but it's the typical dynamic so waiting around for girls to make the first move is very unlikely to work out in your favor. Also, the thing about men being creepy for approaching is very overblown online. In real life as long as you're pleasant and polite and willing to take no for an answer most women will be happy and gracious if you approach them. Go for it!
The way they used to??? Jesus H. Christ were they approaching women at bars with their genitals outside their pants? Because that's what #MeToo was about.
You can still ask to buy a stranger a drink. You're allowed start a conversation with someone you find attractive. But it's long odds. It's much better to do something with a group: join a choir, go to yoga class, take art or cooking classes, etc. It's a win-win too, because you won't meet someone right off, and while you're building that community you still get to sing/exercise/create/eat.
She still gets on them occasionally, because there's no alternative now.
Guys in the post-#metoo era just won't approach a girl at a bar the way they used to.