> then I'm installing PPAs and copy-pasting lines of Bash. Gross.
That's not exactly Microsoft's unique flavour, lots of open-source projects don't end up in the centrally maintained and approved repositories of your distro of choice and are instead distributed in all kinds of god-forsaken ways. Have you ever tried to install Conda on Linux? Just go and look at its installer, now that is gross.
And then there's packages that are in distro repos, but are so difficult to build correctly that the developers' advice is to not use the distro package, but instead download a tarball and compile it yourself (despite the user being no less prone to build pitfalls than distro maintainers are). This is how the spaced repetition flash card app Anki is, and it means that getting it up and running on a proprietary OS, which properly built binaries are readily available for, is easier and more consistent.
That's not exactly Microsoft's unique flavour, lots of open-source projects don't end up in the centrally maintained and approved repositories of your distro of choice and are instead distributed in all kinds of god-forsaken ways. Have you ever tried to install Conda on Linux? Just go and look at its installer, now that is gross.