I grew up under a toxic form of fundamentalist Christianity that left deep scars and made me pretty allergic to religion.

For me, I’ve found success and deep value in exploring non-sectarian Buddhist philosophy, which points directly at the problems caused by attachment to ideas and things, and does a good job of deconstructing thought processes that most of us engage in without realizing.

To me, this is less about choosing to accept certain principles on faith as much as it is about recognizing/acknowledging that this is what we already do in most aspects of our lives.

To anyone who can find value in traditional religious contemplation while avoiding the downsides, more power to you. The point of my comment isn’t to say there’s nothing to be found there, but if the version of religiosity you’re familiar with is the toxic kind, there are other paths to follow that get at some arguably important insights without some of the baggage that can be difficult to avoid.

(I realize Buddhism has religious roots, but there is a long history of exploring the underlying insights in a non-religious context e.g. Zen, and the analytical framework associated with traditions like Dzogchen and Vipassana are applicable without any of the metaphysical underpinnings).

(I am the person you are responding to) I grew up completely ignorant of religion and my first foray into that was the study of yogic tradition. Once I got a taste of what exists, I was very lucky to realize my ancestral faith has incredible depth, beyond that which is even understood by those say they are kinda religious (ie, many people who say they are religion X don't know how much there is to X)

On the toxic part, sorry to hear that. I think anything can be toxic originally to the value of the concept. (ie someone may have a horrible experience with a coach but that doesn't take away from the value of fitness in general) but it sounds like you have a pattern that works well for you.

> I find that thoughtful engagement with religion (Judaism in my case)

I've heard Judaism characterized as very accepting of discourse and reinterpretation of itself. Does this strike you as accurate? If so, it sounds like a kind of mental liquidity...

> When you accept on faith a handful of principles that deal with an unknowable domain

Sounds like mathematics, in which practitioners become used to both the process of relying on a set of axioms and selecting them for the purposes of exploring or constraining systems, which makes one aware that there's a certain degree of choice or even potentially arbitrariness to it...

I agree with you on both counts.

For example, the study of the Talmud is an example of both mental training in debating an issue from several perspectives, and the installment of the idea that this is part of the religion.

You can also look up "Jewish responsa" on Wikipedia as a diving point into this.

You just might discovered yourself what others did without thinking: Following some given path to stop worring and using it as 'this can't be wrong because its old and others are doing it and enabling me'.

Perhaps community fits even better.

I personally am free enough to design my own life without boundaris.

Your current self-description and opinion of religion is where I was prior to moving onto my current state. Looking backwards, going beyond this represented breaking a boundary for me.

I am not trying to persuade you and I am holding back from expounding on what I mean at length here, just sharing the perspective.

i wouldn't mind your perspective.

I do thought about a lot and its definitly exhausting to be free but i have been a nihilist since 16. Thought through tons of ideas and concepts (what if the universe is repeating itself, no free will, after life, before life, 'the egg' story, lsd, mdma, ...)

I'm now quite happy and content and still curious with my life. Havent' felt better than this and going the next step: getting a farm and transforming my environment how i want it to be.