Yup, for something so critical in my life, I just want the damn thing to work. While I would love to tinker with an Android, I just don't have the energy for that (I did a decade ago) nor the time to troubleshoot problems that come up.

I’ve used both, currently on an iPhone, and I can’t understand this sentiment at all. Both are shitty in different ways.

Android gets shittier with time in my experience, phones get buggy and unsupported in like 2 years. iPhone software works consistently, and the phones are supported for like 5/6 years by Apple with software updates.

agreed. And at least android tends to allow things with hacks, where apple if it can't be done, it can't be done, it's not possible from being done.