I'd do technical writing. Maybe instead of aiming for FT, aim for a few bits of contract work. Then use those to burnish your portfolio (or start one.)
Advantages of technical writing:
1. You get to spend your time playing with things, asking questions, talking to engineers, and, therefore, learning.
2. Depending on what you're writing, you may get to do some coding along the way.
3. You make a valuable, urgently-needed contribution to the world, for even when they can write, most engineers don't write, and the result is that most workplaces are saturated with so-called 'tribal knowledge.' Not only does this waste an engineer's time (explaining and re-explaining how a thing works,) but it also means that people who fail to ask for or receive help never learn how a thing works. This has all sorts of knock-on effects, monocultures and ingroup/outgroup dynamics among them. Yet you can write this fate away, if you can find an employer who recognizes the importance of documentation.
4. Which is not to say you'll be recognized or celebrated. Writing, these days, is a humble pursuit. But the impact you have will be significant, even if no one traces it back to you, and that can be be its own satisfaction (and also, résumé talking point.) And helping change the world for the better -- even just a tiny part of it -- can greatly improve mental health.
5. Once you get in the swing of writing, apply it to your stress/depression/anxiety (or however you want to characterize it -- that feeling.) Keep a journal. I know this feels like being given a teaspoon and told to excavate a cavern --- your mental health struggle sounds like it has its roots in life challenges that are genuinely stressful, rather than the putative 'chemical imbalance' sort of anxiety/depression. And a pen is no magic wand -- it cannot erase your debts, or restore your sense of ease.
But it can open up a bit of wiggle room. A space to turn the thoughts around.
I also recommend long walks and cooking.
6. When you're feeling a bit better, start applying to more jobs. You can do it. <3 You should be able to apply to one or two every day, and take a couple interviews a week. You got this.
Signed,
A currently un-depressed ("pressed?"), non-anxious ("enxious?"), and happily-employed engineer, who was not that way 12 months ago.
P.S. talk to a therapist. IANAT, IANAD.
P.P.S. if you're not already on them, and your doctor thinks it's ok, take antidepressants. They are symptom relief, but again, you're looking for wiggle room.
Seconding contract work. Getting a small gig doing a few hours of work or regular part-time is very achievable if you’re familiar with Python and are looking more for the work than the money—so won’t balk at pay in the two-digits per hour—maybe even the low half of that range—like a lot of programmers will. Though, beware, low paying clients are often also very unpleasant or unreasonable bosses in other ways. Take your time and find a good fit.
Doing anything might help with self-confidence, might knock the rust off any skills and provide exposure to new stuff, plus networking. And the money doesn’t hurt.
Maybe ETL stuff at mid-sized companies. That crap’s everywhere, is always bad anyway so who cares if you fuck it up (I… half-jest) and often uses Python. Most of it’s very simple if you get over the hurdle of fancier-sounding-than-it-is terminology.
(I have no specific advice on the broader mental health front aside from emphatically echoing “talk to a professional”—but if you’re feeling ready to work and the lack of it’s making things worse, the above’s what I’d suggest)
> I know this feels like being given a teaspoon and told to excavate a cavern --- your mental health struggle sounds like it has its roots in life challenges that are genuinely stressful, rather than the putative 'chemical imbalance' sort of anxiety/depression. And a pen is no magic wand -- it cannot erase your debts, or restore your sense of ease.
Good habits, antidepressants, etc. may not fix the underlying problems, but they may turn the teaspoon into a tablespoon into a shovel.
Advantages of technical writing:
1. You get to spend your time playing with things, asking questions, talking to engineers, and, therefore, learning.
2. Depending on what you're writing, you may get to do some coding along the way.
3. You make a valuable, urgently-needed contribution to the world, for even when they can write, most engineers don't write, and the result is that most workplaces are saturated with so-called 'tribal knowledge.' Not only does this waste an engineer's time (explaining and re-explaining how a thing works,) but it also means that people who fail to ask for or receive help never learn how a thing works. This has all sorts of knock-on effects, monocultures and ingroup/outgroup dynamics among them. Yet you can write this fate away, if you can find an employer who recognizes the importance of documentation.
4. Which is not to say you'll be recognized or celebrated. Writing, these days, is a humble pursuit. But the impact you have will be significant, even if no one traces it back to you, and that can be be its own satisfaction (and also, résumé talking point.) And helping change the world for the better -- even just a tiny part of it -- can greatly improve mental health.
5. Once you get in the swing of writing, apply it to your stress/depression/anxiety (or however you want to characterize it -- that feeling.) Keep a journal. I know this feels like being given a teaspoon and told to excavate a cavern --- your mental health struggle sounds like it has its roots in life challenges that are genuinely stressful, rather than the putative 'chemical imbalance' sort of anxiety/depression. And a pen is no magic wand -- it cannot erase your debts, or restore your sense of ease.
But it can open up a bit of wiggle room. A space to turn the thoughts around.
I also recommend long walks and cooking.
6. When you're feeling a bit better, start applying to more jobs. You can do it. <3 You should be able to apply to one or two every day, and take a couple interviews a week. You got this.
Signed,
A currently un-depressed ("pressed?"), non-anxious ("enxious?"), and happily-employed engineer, who was not that way 12 months ago.
P.S. talk to a therapist. IANAT, IANAD.
P.P.S. if you're not already on them, and your doctor thinks it's ok, take antidepressants. They are symptom relief, but again, you're looking for wiggle room.