> death of me is fine and just a question of time. I wish to still being able to end it myself, on my terms, somewhere not bothering anybody, causing as little problems as possible
I've heard this sentiment over and over again, from older people around me growing up, and then from my peers as I've aged. I think most of them were perfectly sincere when they said it, some said it regularly for years.
In the end though, zero of these people chose suicide in the end. Despite many of them ultimately having severe chronic illnesses and disability. I'm not saying you're wrong to say this, or even to believe it about yourself. But something I've noticed in working with disability work is that disabled people still generally find life worth living, still find the cost worth it. You want to end it "when the time comes" but probably the time will never come.
In reality there's a big difference between saying "I want to die in some unforeseeable future" and "I want to die tomorrow"
If you can still see your family, if you can still enjoy an afternoon sitting in the sunshine, if you really want watch the next episode of Shogun, you aren't going to be willing to give up that last bit of existence. Not yet.
It's not that they don't choose suicide, it's that by the time your quality of life is gone you very often can't choose suicide or are faced with doing so by the one act they can still do--refuse food/water.
Look at the countries that permit euthanasia. Inability no longer is relevant and there are parts of the Netherlands where it's 10% of the population that take that route--and note that this is a substantial undercount because by no means everyone is in a position to make the choice. (Sudden events, those whose mind is going.)
Did they have foolproof, painless assisted suicide as an option? As far as I know, that is not really available anywhere except for when the doctors prescribe extra morphine once someone is in their final days and is unable to administer it to themselves and “warns” their family what would happen if too much morphine is given.
Oregon is a lethal prescription situation, you still have to have enough physical function to do it.
And jumping off a building requires being able to access the exterior of a building tall enough for the purpose. Such access is common to residents (balconies), but typically not to visitors. And it requires being able to climb over whatever safety barriers exist. I am aware of *one* spot--and if things were bad enough I doubt I could either reach it or get over the barrier. Without a conveniently-placed vehicle (it's a parking garage) I doubt my wife could get over the barrier even in good health.
Jumping off a building is not foolproof, and leaves quite a mess for others’ to clean up.
The desire is to be able to choose to die peacefully, with as minimal (negative) impact on others as possible.
Another easy one is falling off the boat while fishing, but again, you might leave a body or body part floating around for someone to find. And the boat is left unattended.
Usually when you get to the point of needing to have your ass wiped you are no longer in a position to decide that stuff.
The dementia patient is very poorly equipped to evaluate the evolution of the disease. Most of time he thinks he is ok, when he is clearly no longer ok.
The time came for me to serve my grandfather in that way (for short moments, the interstitial generation took on most of the effort). The small effort on my part overcame large difficulties for him and I was grateful to serve the person among those who gave me myself.
I mean, social stigma makes some acts very difficult or very easy. When I was young there was no social stigma against drinking and driving, huge numbers of people did it (and died from it). Now we're in an age where drinking and driving is stigmatized and far less people do it, and you're apt to be called out for it.
The reason I'm bringing up this analogy is suicide has been heavily stigmatized in most cultures so even if people wanted to do it the "but what will people think" factor is powerful, even for those that wouldn't be around for what those people think.
I've heard this sentiment over and over again, from older people around me growing up, and then from my peers as I've aged. I think most of them were perfectly sincere when they said it, some said it regularly for years.
In the end though, zero of these people chose suicide in the end. Despite many of them ultimately having severe chronic illnesses and disability. I'm not saying you're wrong to say this, or even to believe it about yourself. But something I've noticed in working with disability work is that disabled people still generally find life worth living, still find the cost worth it. You want to end it "when the time comes" but probably the time will never come.