>It was exhausting, and I started to hallucinate frequently, and make dangerously bad decisions from lack of sleep.
The Western (American, especially) approach to early infant care is mind-boggling. In many cultures and nations, often those less "developed", parents suffer little sleep deprivation.
Westerners will pay small fortunes for a cloud subscription bassinet but can't create the basics of a functioning community.
> Westerners will pay small fortunes for a cloud subscription bassinet but can't create the basics of a functioning community.
That is incredibly insulting, what would you have done in my situation specifically?
How the heck can you "create the basics of a functioning community" when you're struggling just to keep a baby alive and haven't slept in two weeks? People in those other cultures didn't create the culture, they were born into it.
The only place I could find work to support my newborn was 1000 miles away from my family and friends. The mom had serious postpartum depression and rage, and generally refused to help take care of our child. She was aggressive and abusive, and locked herself in a room for days on end so I was 100% on my own while trying not to lose my job. I begged people for help and advice but got only disdain "if you're having a hard time you need to just relax" and "parenting is easy for dads! they just play and the mom does it all!" There were no open spots in any kind of childcare around my house- they said "apply before you decide to have a kid." I had done so- but the person at the counter pocketed the deposit and quit. I eventually paid 110% of my salary for a nanny to help me, and burned through all my savings just to survive.
Now that I had this experience, I go out of my way to be there- by airplane if necessary for family and friends that need it.
> Westerners will pay small fortunes for a cloud subscription bassinet but can't create the basics of a functioning community.
What a weird way to phrase things. It has been systematically dismantled and taken away from them over the last few centuries by a relatively minuscule group of people with vested interests.
One of the big problems with American culture surrounding infant care these days is that a vocal group of well-meaning but misguided people persuaded everyone that letting a baby cry themselves to sleep is abuse that will ruin them for life.
Our oldest was inconsolable at bedtimes. We tried every kind of hold, rocking, swings, swaddles, nothing worked. None of us were sleeping for the first two weeks.
Finally and with much guilt my wife finally tried one last thing: leaving him to cry in the bassinet. Lo and behold, he was asleep within five minutes and slept longer than he had in his life. That became our routine: we put him down, he cried himself to sleep, then he woke up happy in a few hours.
I don't know who came up with the idea that babies shouldn't cry alone ever, but I strongly suspect that's the culprit that spurs demand for these products.
Yeah, there are definitely outliers and I'm not suggesting you did the wrong thing. But I do feel the need to push back on the ideas that got my wife and me into the place where we felt guilty letting our first baby cry.
We thought our baby was an outlier but it turns out we were just holding him wrong—that is, we shouldn't have been holding him at all. If we'd been better off at the time (and if it had existed) a Snoo could very easily have been the "solution" when all that was really needed was a realistic perspective.
My general advice to parents now is to ignore all advice and do what's right for your unique kid. For some kids that might be a Snoo. For most, though, it's a scam that deliberately preys on parental fears and inflated self-expectations.
I get what you're saying, and appreciate your understanding. I was also sleep deprived, alone, and didn't know what I was doing so may have done the wrong thing.
I and agree that much of the advice to parents is just nonsense- and a lot of it flip-flops every few years, and is sold to parents using terror, saying your child will die or be permanently harmed if you don't do every little thing you're told. It really can help to look at your individual situation and apply some common sense. The terror itself is more harmful than the advice helpful.
I also agree that it's fine to let a kid cry for a while when they had everything they need already and the parents need a break, but I don't think it's evolutionary or culturally normal to let a kid scream all night long alone. Traditionally, people would be in small groups with a lot of caretakers and would trade off rocking or holding a baby. Humans are hard-wired to be extra responsive to, and annoyed by crying: without a big modern insulated house you could not sleep when your baby is crying. Breastfeeding women get a milk letdown reflex when they hear their baby cry, etc. I'm pretty sure I could feel my stress hormones slowly climb as crying went on, motivating me to do something.
This is yet another of those flip-flopping advice things: once they told people if you comfort a crying baby it will make them soft, weak, and dependent. Now they say it will emotionally traumatize them if you don't, and they will develop attachment and social problems. Both ideas are terrifying to parents, and when they hear them will work hard to do what they are told.
I can assure you that the esame exact problem still exists in tightly knit communities. It's just that the burden is put on the grandparents or siblings. Even in those communities (I'm from one), it sucks to take care of a baby and anything that helps is used and there are tons of "oral knowledge" sort of tricks to calm down a baby or an infant. So this would still be incredibly useful regardless of how communal your life and social network is.
Do you think that those communities haven't adopted the modern diaper just because hey, the community takes care of their babies together? Because that's absolutely not the case (if they can afford to).
The Western (American, especially) approach to early infant care is mind-boggling. In many cultures and nations, often those less "developed", parents suffer little sleep deprivation.
Westerners will pay small fortunes for a cloud subscription bassinet but can't create the basics of a functioning community.