Anyone who is trying to one-up someone else is exhibiting social intelligence. The "socially awkward" excuse is completely illogical. Nerds who act that way are acting just like all the jocks we disparage. Just because they are using lines of code and obscure knowledge instead of pushups or interceptions caught doesn't mean they aren't doing exactly the same thing.

I think that bad behavior is more acceptable in tech because people think being abnormal and living in a "meritocracy" gives them a right to treat other people, especially normal people or anyone they feel superior to, badly. It leads to lots of trying to prove you aren't a "normal" person or somehow inferior so the people around you won't treat you badly. It is a miserable way to live.

The people who are actually weird and different are treated badly by the so-called "socially awkward" nerds. I agree with you: it is an excuse for why they shouldn't be expected to know better. There is no such thing, though. I'm dyslexic and I still had to learn to read and I'm still judged on my spelling. Even if something is harder for someone, that just means they need to work harder at it or find another way to get to the same end goal.

The people I have known who are actually on the autism spectrum, rather than just using it as an excuse, all have.

Establishing a pecking-order is different from having the tact to know when something is appropriate or even harmful. So, yes, knowing how to one-up someone is a part of social intelligence, but I submit that knowing what is appropriate to say to be as welcoming as possible requires more sophisticated social intelligence. Hence, I don't see "socially awkward" as illogical.