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Ask HN: Mid-Career Crisis – leave with no job?
6 points by feygulgn26 10 months ago | hide | past | favorite | 6 comments
Hi

I want to quit my job with no job lined up out of desperation, but in my lower 40's I'm quite nervous about it. There isn't anyone in my personal life that's giving me any meaningful advice other than 'you'll never find a job again.'

I work in the infra space (SRE specifically), as I have since the early 2000's. Started my career with *nix, Perl, Networking, automation, then later Python and dabbling in Kubernetes .. eventually moving to management. Now in management, I have not been hands-on for half a decade, and I wouldn't be able to pass coding challenges or deep-dive questions without a lot of studying.

I started studying a few hours as day, but I don't have a lot of energy after work. The company took away work from home, and it's hard to learn anything at work, since I am in meetings all the time.

All conversations with management have gone nowhere, I'm not allowed to manage my own team (even though I am a manager, I'm treated as a project manager), I was denied moving into an IC role.

I live in a very very HCOL area (NYC) and work in an industry I loathe (finance), but I've been doing this for so long.

Would you

a) continue the slow journey of slowly studying every day for future jobs, while having insomnia and stress, hating life, for another 6 months or more while you interview and look for a new role

b) take time off to reset from the burnout.

c) ?

I feel like I have less energy than the average HN user, who works in big tech, goes home and contributes to an open source project. In fact, I'm so exhausted by 6 or 7pm I don't want to do anything related to the job I just did all day long.

I would love to move to Latin America (not where I am from) or Europe for 6 months and work from an Airbnb while I study, and not work at all. Sadly my expenses before I eat here in NYC are easily 6K (if I don't work and pay for health insurance).

I have some savings and can live without working for a couple of years (but cannot even think of retiring). Own no property and have no debt.

Thanks



I went back to school for a PhD at the age of 41. I was burned out on programming, I was lacking in theory, and I was ready to see the other side of the country for a few years. I'm now in my fifth year of that. It might take me another year for the PhD or it might not happen, but it has been a great adventure either way. It has opened up some other opportunities for me and helped me to recognize the areas of programming that I truly enjoy.


Did you need to build a large nest egg first?


I sold a house when I moved and used that equity money to make the house payment at my new location while in school. If you don't have a lot of kids and/or your spouse brings in just a little money, you can make it okay on the graduate assistantship alone. My assistantships have been paying $2500/mo. The problem right now is that housing in the USA is very expensive almost everywhere, so you'll need a smart plan to deal with that.


If you can live for a year or more without working, I would quit. I did this in my 30s and picked up some contracts while living in Asia for a year. It was great.


I had similar challenges in my past (see my comment history for details).

In summary, I found myself in senior management positions twice in my career, and hated the role. It was an effort to get back into a hands-on role, but I was lucky to be able to use my network of previous employers for a freelancing role (at least as a stepping stone).

I’m now in my late 50’s and still coding professionally (and still coding at home to relax).

You clearly loathe your current role and you tried to become an IC but was that because you wanted to? Or were you just looking for an escape route out of your current predicament (ie, management, but not really management)?

Would you be happy in a management role in a different organisation?

Personally, I spent a lot of my career in smaller companies (<100 employees) as IC and management but it was when I was in management in larger companies, that I hated the role. Company size matters when it comes to your role.

So maybe a management role in a smaller company might suit?

Also, at some stage, your age starts to be a factor when looking for a job, especially as an IC, competing with lower paid and more up to date junior developers. I’m not sure where the tipping point is, but you might start to see that when in the job market. Bring an IC in your 20’s or 30’s isn’t the same as being one in your 40’s (or 50’s!).

So my advice….

If you like management, seek out that role in smaller companies. There’s less BS and more focus on getting things done. And you’re closer to the tech.

If you want to revert to an IC, start a personal coding project at home. I started writing a chess engine in C as a means to get back into coding (C was my main language in my early career). Put it on GitHub along with any other utilities you code.

If you’ve no ties to NYC, why not relocate within the US? Easier than Europe (no visa required) and likely a lot cheaper.


Excellent stuff, thank you.

> You clearly loathe your current role and you tried to become an IC but was that because you wanted to? Or were you just looking for an escape route out of your current predicament (ie, management, but not really management)?

Yes I figured there's no time to be hands-on learning anything during work hours, but I didn't have motivation to work outside of work, even on my career, so I was hoping to move into an IC to learn something, but it was denied by my management.

> Would you be happy in a management role in a different organisation?

Yes, I think I kind of have no choice at my level . It's easy to find someone with four years of experience in my field who can do IC work. I feel management brings strategic and communication experience that an IC often cannot do well.

>Personally, I spent a lot of my career in smaller companies (<100 employees) as IC and management but it was when I was in management in larger companies, that I hated the role. Company size matters when it comes to your role.

>So maybe a management role in a smaller company might suit?

Yes, I think a startup might work for me. Give more autonomy.

The dilemma I have, how do you have time to study for a new job, when your current job doesn't allow that time?

Take meds that keep you awake and study at night / on weekends? Or take time off to do it and risk being aged out forever?




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