A lot of advice shown here isn't really actionable, and is a more sophisticated version of "get born in a developed country, don't be unattractive". Of course I'd like to have a job I love, the problem is that such jobs are extremely difficult to find. Of course I'd like to focus on building relationships with people, the problem is, I'm an outcast and my personality is compatible with very few. Of course I'd like to focus on important things in life, the problem is, life is inherently pointless, so there's no objective way of telling what is important and what is not.
Well said. I tried and bailed on LinkedIn about ten years ago because so much was forced happy-talk like this article. I think this author is writing earnestly but there is a load of pressure on everyone to think and speak this way even though it makes zero sense for their specific cases. I think it may be called "toxic positivism" in that context.
I really want to get off LinkedIn for this same reason. The happy-speak is so nauseating. The only reason I stay on is so recruiters can find me, but would be great to hear more of your experience in the job market without it.
Pretty bad, overall. I got diddlysquat out of LinkedIn when I was job hunting 10+ years ago but then I got nothing out of my other leads, either. I was old back then and older now so I am staying at my employer until I'm fired, retired, or expired. LI may be required these days to get anywhere, I just adjusted my travel plans so I didn't need to deal with its BS or the general Talent Acq/HR gauntlet required to get past square one. Probably not helpful to you but there it is...
I mean this in a respectful way so it's not personal or anything as it might sound.
Isn't this kind of a loser mindset, though? It's a mentality of making excuses and our culture has made that a fashionable thing but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)? Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point.
Yes, what's wrong with that? Life is miserable for vast majority of people. That's the harsh truth.
> but what about taking a more active, less victimized role in your life (not just you specifically but anyone with this mindset)?
Well, it's true that you can only get anything in life by working for it, but doing so isn't exclusive with admitting that the game is rigged. I'm not saying to just give up and do nothing, I just don't like the attitude that everything is possible, thus every failure is the individual's fault, and it's never simply external factors at play. For example, I got a good job because I worked hard for it and I happened to graduate exactly during software craze. Someone a few years younger doesn't have the same opportunities despite putting the same amount of hard work. To the same tune, I don't have a very active social life because at some point I lost some lottery and I can't magically change that no matter how much I effort I put. When I was born, I received some privileges, but also some unfair limitations, and that's how we roll.
> Also, saying "life is inherently pointless" is just a nerdy way to miss the point.
For thousands of years people way smarter than us were trying to find the point of life, and still cannot agree on anything, so I think that saying that life is pointless is at least useful for practical purposes.
I second this. Everyone should strive to be somewhat physically fit, dress well and eat well. It's a huge psychological boost. Like Deon used to say, "look good, feel good, play good."
Walking 30 minutes a day in the outdoors when permissible gives me huge mood improvements. I can definitely feel the difference on the days when I don't walk. Buy some button down collar shirts, shower when you leave the house, get a decent haircut, simple stuff. Makes a world of difference on how you are perceived and therefore treated as well.
> “don't be unattractive” is a very actionable advice which most nerds ignore.
Half of the population needs to be below median. No matter how you rearrange things, you can't escape this basic fact. This means that if all women get a boob job, we won't be living in a world of beautiful women, but rather the expected boob size will go up. It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics.
> Are you willing to change? Our personality isn't set in stone, pretty much the opposite. Every social skilled person had to learn it at some point.
I think we're talking about two different problems here. I don't have issues getting people to like me, I have issues liking them back.
> It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics
You are misunderstanding attractiveness. We could get to a situation where 100% of men are unattractive to women, actually, some places are very close. Men find much more than 50% of women attractive while women think a much smaller % of men are an eligible partner. There is no median involved in sexual attraction.
You're trying to find nerdy ways to maintain hopelessness or something. Attractiveness is not a relative scale, if the entire population became more attractive, the "median" would more attractive .... but I hate to even engage in this overly nerdish reasoning. You're making it seem like you have an intellectually superior position by saying "It's super strange to me that so few people understand this basic fact of statistics", but I don't think your position would stand-up to a purely logical analysis as much as you think. The fact is, you can improve yourself and it has benefits so don't be so invested in saying its not true, energy is probably better directed the other way. I
Look here: 100 men and 100 women in their thirties in a small town. The men don't work out and don't study and learn new things.
Then a day they all start working out at the gym, cut their hair properly and spend time learning new things, getting more well paid remote jobs.
This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think)
Before, some of the women were singles because they couldn't find any attractive men. After, they had many attractive men to choose between, although 50% of the men are still below average among the men in that town.
But the men as a group, improved compared to the women in the town.
> This will increase the number of relationships in that small town! (I think)
The problem is, in real life we're observing exactly the opposite. The most developed societies where people are the most educated, self-aware, hygienic, etc. are also the societies where loneliness is on the rise.
I'd like to point to an analogy: some years ago, getting a college degree was sure way to secure a successful career. Many people rushed to get themselves educated. Did all these people get the jobs they expected? No, simply the bar went up, and now you need a Master's degree to flip burgers
It depends on many things (country, market, skills, etc.) but I suspect the set is pretty large. But it requires actively looking and optimizing for doing what you love.
As a personal data point, after finishing my PhD and being sick of having no money I optimized for most money under a constraint of the job not being absolutely intolerable. Which, in hindsight, was not ideal. Over the next 25 years I switched to optimizing for the most interesting job under a constraint of money just being enough to pay my basic bills. This included passing on an offer from a hedge fund that would pay three times as much but seemed pretty soul crushing. Optimizing for what I love tends to eventually work well on money, too.
So I would absolutely not slam a door on a job in a bad market because I hate it, but I would keep looking. My 2c.
That probably means you're not in the right field of work. I also have never had a tech job I love, but work part-time as a SAR EMT which I do love.
Software pays the bills, but I'm working towards being able to retire at ~45-50 and will work in pre-hospital medicine for the rest of my useful life thereafter. I'd do it for free (and often do, as a volunteer).
Might you be interested in combining the two fields? If you’ve got an eye on tech consulting/startups in the EMT space, give me a shout out. My email is my HN profile at gmail.
Telling people they should love their job is elitist. It looks down upon everyone in society who isn't in one of the few positions to "love their job" and get paid well for it.
Maybe you’re like me. I love working on things but I don’t like working with other people. As such, there’s never going to be a way for me to love my job.
As someone who has basically never had the chance to work in an environment I’d say I “love”, I’m not sure how to take away any sort of lesson.
Sounds great on the surface, but how many people are afforded the privilege of selecting a job based on what they’re passionate about?