The qualities that women find attractive in men cannot be captured in a static profile on a website ... plus most of the men in that site are there because they don't have those qualities.
Let's just say that if you can open your mouth enough to say hi to a woman without hesitation, you are completely wasting your time on dating sites.
Swamped is on point. I watched my roommate-now-girlfriend get over 1,000 likes in no time at all (I can't remember well but certainly on the order of hours, not days). It was in a populated, well-off area, but still. When you see something like that, it puts a lot of this whole thing into perspective.
> These days, saying hi seems to be risky for more reasons than rejection. Maybe more so if you’re not good looking. Hence the apps
Its actually not, and that so many guys believe that just leaves the field unguarded
What women say online about not wanting to be approached practically anywhere is a vocal minority, and other women don't even see these conversations
Positive interactions with men are not even categorized as the ones that annoyed them, despite the interaction being the exact same. so it remains up to you to figure out where you are on that totem pole
I am above average in looks and while lots of people do like being approached, it is sometimes not so fun. I've been stalked, assaulted, molested - this is not an issue you'll hit online. And it's easier to filter the really bad news without any possibility of someone following you home.
yes, the people choosing to stalk, assault, molest are the problem and I’m sorry you experienced that and its good you found a mitigation.
its important that everyone else knows this has no bearing on whether they can approach at all, and simply choose not to stalk, assault, molest.
the issue (and proof) is the lack of accountability to those that harassed you, lots of guys believe they will be marked as one of those harassers from simply saying hi. when its much more likely thats not so, and the issue becomes the lack of accountability for the person overfitting and accusing in their attempt to filter out actual harassers
Just walking up to a girl in person and saying "hi" is a nuanced thing. If you set off the creeper alarms at all you're DOA, so you need to have an aura of genuine chill and say hi to them in a way that seems completely casual and un-premeditated. Then you need to have them in a captive situation for a while to make some progress (standing in line, etc) and you need to come up with a reason to continue interacting with them later, and you need them to find you funny/charming/attractive/interesting enough that they give you contact information and don't just automatically ghost you.
This applies to when you approach girls cold. If you're really hot it's a different game, girls will just give you that look when you're walking around on the street, at the mall, etc, and if you walk up and say hi to them they will fuck you if you play it cool at all.
There are other approaches such as manufacturing social proof and demand for yourself
Many women are pretty traumatized by the captive situation logic, because a lot of guys do that and its pretty obvious. Like a beggar on the street “asking a question” and you already know to ignore it but want to give the benefit of the doubt that its not about money
Manufacturing social integration is a deep but fairly simple topic that many people find attractive, but it nullifies the need to try to prolong an interaction with a woman and is pretty much the opposite. where essentially you’re too cool and have too much going on to entertain her. if you’re interested in women, plural, it doesnt have to be hard or a coveted thing with much work behind it. and you’re not putting her in a captive situation so your already ahead of the pack
honestly most attraction are gender neutral concepts that work with business partners and relationship partners a like
That used to be true in the pre-Tinder age. Tinder and other mobile dating apps have somehow normalized dating among both the highly social and the good looking.
I can only speak about my personal experience (and this was also in the pre-tinder times and on OKCupid, so generally a more nerdy than average demo), but I had the experience that even if one isn’t top-looking, women were generally impressed if you could string whole sentences together and showed reading comprehension of their profile. That seems like a very, very low standard, but from what I was told, that filtered out a lot of people.
Let's just say that if you can open your mouth enough to say hi to a woman without hesitation, you are completely wasting your time on dating sites.