I have to add to my huge amusement at the particulars of this thread and deep appreciation for your nerdiness. As you can see from my other post here, I consider this question to be no question at all. Obviously all SQL engines should change. Equally obviously, they never will.

That all of you can take something so futile so seriously, spend time writing about your workarounds (which, of course, we all have in spades), is simply charming.

Thanks for you being you.