> I had a terrible therapist for ~7 years that always tried to get me to avoid/mitigate uncomfortable emotions but I always felt it was making the issue worse.
One of the many wise things my therapist said to me once: "The thing you're supposed to do with feelings is feel them."
It sounds so dumb, but for people like me who have spent their lives training themselves to compartmentalize and analyze their feelings, it was an essential reminder that I was denying myself the critical experience of actually sitting there and feeling them.
true, but sometimes, allowing yourself to feel certain very difficult emotions, such as grief/loss, can completely cripple you to the point you’re unable to take care of things for your own survival, such as keeping a job, relationships, self care, etc. In these cases sometimes there is no other choice.
I’m not sure I’m misinterpreting what you’re saying but if you’re suggesting someone dealing with loss or grief, particularly really bad ones like losing a child, is not a functional mature adult because these emotions interfere with their day to day functioning, I would posit that a person who made such a claim has never experienced a loss like that. I hope I am not misinterpreting your first statement.
as for your second, that’s often, if not always, an unconscious action
Sorry, no. I'm not saying you are immature unless you can compartmentalize all emotions.
I'm saying that mature people are able to compartmentalize at least some of them in their day to day life. Losing a child or some other insurmountable horror is excluded.
What I'm talking about is if you have a bad day at work, you don't yell at the poor cashier working the fast food drive through window when you're picking up dinner on the way home.
One of the many wise things my therapist said to me once: "The thing you're supposed to do with feelings is feel them."
It sounds so dumb, but for people like me who have spent their lives training themselves to compartmentalize and analyze their feelings, it was an essential reminder that I was denying myself the critical experience of actually sitting there and feeling them.