As a lifelong obsequious people pleaser, I have realized that I make it about me by trying to figure out what people want from me, or I'm focused on how I can look better in their eyes. Instead, truly trying to understand how someone is feeling and reflecting that to them has been so much more gratifying for me (and hopefully for my friends and family.)
+1. I say this jokingly, but in a sense being a people-pleaser vs being empathetic is a “skill issue.”
Being focused on how people might think of you is shallow and tastes like narcissism. Even if in your own mind you are “thinking about others” too much you are really only thinking about yourself through their eyes.
Being present in the moment with someone and their feelings involves getting out of your own narrative.
