I did CBT and ended up going (100% no-show fee can do that) - I'm not sure if it was the method (CBT) that worked, or just having a stranger say "and why is that?" a lot. Basically she did a "Five whys" on my life. It was all so simple, but I couldn't see it.
For me it was low self esteem, but veiled: I consciously knew that I was pretty good at what I did and had my life reasonably in order - I checked all the boxes, so I should be happy. "Just pull yourself together" seemed like reasonable advice, but I just couldn't do it. But subconsciously, I had huge doubts about my self worth. The first step of the solution was to reflect every evening over what I did that day and what went well to reinforce a positive self-image.
I also changed jobs (this was pre-CBT, so not a direct effect, but in retrospect it's all related) from a high uncertainty contracting gig with a promise (ha!) of becoming a start up to a bog standard full time programming gig in a good company. The new job gave me many more chances to get good results and much more time and opportunity to learn stuff and self-improve.
One habit I've taught myself is to pay attention to a certain "jab" in my stomach that I get when something is wrong. I immediately stop what I'm doing and carefully analyse the cause. More often than not, I've seen, heard or read something that plays into a subconscious fear about my self esteem, and by forcing it out into the open and applying reason to it, I can make it go away fairly simply. It's worked wonders for my overall feeling of happiness.
You situation will obviously be different from mine, but your post resonated a lot with me. Feel free to email (see my profile) if you want to continue the conversation in private.
I did CBT and ended up going (100% no-show fee can do that) - I'm not sure if it was the method (CBT) that worked, or just having a stranger say "and why is that?" a lot. Basically she did a "Five whys" on my life. It was all so simple, but I couldn't see it.
For me it was low self esteem, but veiled: I consciously knew that I was pretty good at what I did and had my life reasonably in order - I checked all the boxes, so I should be happy. "Just pull yourself together" seemed like reasonable advice, but I just couldn't do it. But subconsciously, I had huge doubts about my self worth. The first step of the solution was to reflect every evening over what I did that day and what went well to reinforce a positive self-image.
I also changed jobs (this was pre-CBT, so not a direct effect, but in retrospect it's all related) from a high uncertainty contracting gig with a promise (ha!) of becoming a start up to a bog standard full time programming gig in a good company. The new job gave me many more chances to get good results and much more time and opportunity to learn stuff and self-improve.
One habit I've taught myself is to pay attention to a certain "jab" in my stomach that I get when something is wrong. I immediately stop what I'm doing and carefully analyse the cause. More often than not, I've seen, heard or read something that plays into a subconscious fear about my self esteem, and by forcing it out into the open and applying reason to it, I can make it go away fairly simply. It's worked wonders for my overall feeling of happiness.
You situation will obviously be different from mine, but your post resonated a lot with me. Feel free to email (see my profile) if you want to continue the conversation in private.