"I've recently discovered God, and decided to disconnect from the Internet, as it is the tool of Satan. Tell me, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your savior?"

"Tell me more, fellow brother in Christ! Stay with us, we are especially holy, which is why our speeds are so high!"

>Their job is to lie to you, your job has to be to lie right back.

I usually use some variation on "I'm moving in with my girlfriend, and she already has <type of service I'm cancelling>"

Alternatively, call, say you want to cancel, and if they give you shit just claim firmly you are unhappy with the service representative and hang up. With any luck they were recorded / reviewed. Just move on to the next guy.

Of course, usually these numbers are paid, so you pay a small fortune just to get to call someone that will do his job.

>"I'm moving to (insert name of city owned by competitor)"

Unfortunately, that's becoming harder and harder to do...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comcast-Time_Warner_Cable_mer...

"I'm moving to Berlin"

I told TimeWarner I was moving to Manitoba to get them to stop hastleing me to move my service to my new address.

Antarctica is surely always an option..?

Very true. I truthfully told Sprint I was moving to Ireland and they let me cancel with no ETF.