I love that blog, but this doesn’t help. Parents are bombarded with messages that just adds to their anxiety and self-doubt about being a good parent and giving their kids all they need.
Being a parent is tough. It’s hard work — you are thrown into this huge responsibility with no experience what-so-ever. It’s easy to feel completely abandoned in this task, it’s easy to feel that you’re not enough, that you could, or should, be doing more, better or what have you.
I believe what we need, as parenting advice, is that what kids really need is love and care. It is ok to be tired as a parent, it is ok to not be able to sit and play with your kid for hours straight, it’s ok to have the kids watch the iPad, even though it’s “not stimulating their intellect” so that you have the time to shower or get something to eat. And most important, it is ok to not be the best parent in the world.
I think the internet needs more messages like that instead of further increasing our insecurities as parents. Being a parent is damn though as is.
I see your point, but there’s also a lot of solid research out there about what does and doesn’t tend to work (admittedly alongside even more terrible pseudoscience and conflicting anecdotal advice). Just because we can’t be perfect doesn’t mean it’s not worth putting serious thought, effort, and discussion into how we can move the ball forward.
Not very long ago, parents used to routinely beat up their kids, and this was considered socially acceptable. In that case, it’s a good thing we had some judgmental know-it-alls around to tell everyone it wasn’t such a good idea.
I believe what we need, as parenting advice, is that what kids really need is love and care.
I agree with this.
it’s ok to have the kids watch the iPad, even though it’s “not stimulating their intellect”
Not criticizing: Why this? Why not encourage the child to do something like use Swift Playgrounds (an iPad app made for young children), or play a game, or read a book?
And most important, it is ok to not be the best parent in the world.
Shouldn't that be the aim of everyone, even if they miss it?
Yes. If you have something more stimulating to throw at the kid, that’s great, but the point is to not beat oneself up if you don’t.
The thing is, I believe, that all this trying to be the best parent in the world is contra-productive. Because being the best parent in the world, if you read online, seem to be based on completely the wrong criterias.
But that’s an opinion and maybe I am just holding on to that opinion in order to protect my own parent-self-esteem. Telling myself that it is ok for me to not constantly come up with new stimulating things to do.
By the way. Having a three year old sit through an entire opera seems strange. Children at that age don’t have that kind of attention span for biological reasons. That’s why you don’t diagnose things like ADHD at that age, because everyone would have it.
Having a three year old sit through an entire opera seems strange. Children at that age don’t have that kind of attention span for biological reasons.
citation please. my kids could watch tv for hours at 3 years, much to my dismay. i'd actually love it if they got bored from it.
however, that is exactly the point. sivers managed to instill an attention span in his child that i find admirable. good on him, and also good on him for recognizing how much he benefits himself from that.
montessori has 2-3 hour work cycles in which the kids from 3-6 work alone on activities. they may switch activities, but they effectively spend the whole time by themselves in the classroom. of course the younger ones less than the older ones, but they quickly learn from their peers.
the teachers mainly observe and will focus on one child at a time, when they need guidance or are ready to learn something new.
By the way. Having a three year old sit through an entire opera seems strange. Children at that age don’t have that kind of attention span for biological reasons.
This seems wrong? I remember watching every Lord of the Rings movie (9 hours) at once around that age. It's five, not three, by the way.
The thing is, I believe, that all this trying to be the best parent in the world is contra-productive. Because being the best parent in the world, if you read online, seem to be based on completely the wrong criterias.
Why would the internet be the only place to get an idea on how to do parenting correctly?
Telling myself that it is ok for me to not constantly come up with new stimulating things to do.
This seems correct! Most children will come up with stimulating things to do on their own. The important thing for you to do is probably just teach them how to get the items they need to stimulate themselves, which is a small time-investment. It would be pretty harmful to always be picking every action they do.
You're probably doing fine, given the amount of thought you've put into it.
My five year old watched a 3 hour opera performance no problem and excitedly recounted details of what happened afterwards. I've done nothing to cultivate his attention span, though I was pretty careful to give him a lot of context beforehand as to what to expect-- if he had gotten lost as to what was happening I don't think it would have ended well.
My ten year old enjoyed it.
My eight year old coped but squirmed a lot and complained of it being boring afterwards. I think he has a slightly shorter attention span and likes theater performances less-- but also was just particularly impatient that day.
Being a parent is tough. It’s hard work — you are thrown into this huge responsibility with no experience what-so-ever. It’s easy to feel completely abandoned in this task, it’s easy to feel that you’re not enough, that you could, or should, be doing more, better or what have you.
I believe what we need, as parenting advice, is that what kids really need is love and care. It is ok to be tired as a parent, it is ok to not be able to sit and play with your kid for hours straight, it’s ok to have the kids watch the iPad, even though it’s “not stimulating their intellect” so that you have the time to shower or get something to eat. And most important, it is ok to not be the best parent in the world.
I think the internet needs more messages like that instead of further increasing our insecurities as parents. Being a parent is damn though as is.