One thing that helped me was analyzing things in terms of what I think of as "anxiety loops".
First, think about how anxiety happens. Imagine you're about to cross the street at a quiet intersection. A car rounds the corner going way too fast and zooms right at you. You jump out of the way and are fine. Next time you get to that corner you will experience anxiety based on the association between a scary experience and what you were perceiving at the time. It will likely change your behavior a bit. Maybe you'll look around more, maybe you'll hesitate before crossing, maybe you'll cross somewhere else. With enough positive experiences, the anxiety will fade and it's back to normal.
But imagine that the anxiety and resulting behavior change actually makes things worse? That's not true about the street-crossing example. [1] But it can be true for other things. E.g., for years my anxiety around taxes would make doing taxes more painful, making me more anxious the next time. It's also true for many social things, just as you describe. You can end up in a positive feedback loop where things keep getting worse.
What helped me was a few years of a good therapist and anti-anxiety medication. It got me to recognize the systemic component to the problem and to start dealing with it. In particular, I had to let go of what I thought I should be experiencing ("It's safe! I should be fine!) and accept what I was experiencing (anxiety, awkwardness, etc). From there it was sort of like training a dog in that I had to make sure I was creating actually positive experiences for myself.
I think you're on to something with exercise, and I encourage all sorts of self-experimentation here. For me, long-duration cardio helps a lot. So does a regular sleep cycle, a diet low in refined carbs, and things that relax the body (yoga, steam, hot tubs, etc). I also manage my consumption of things that are intense (games, movies, TV), as that can increase my baseline anxiety. The lower baseline means that things like talking with strangers is less likely to trigger the formation of an anxiety loop.
I hope that helps! If you're looking for a book, "The Body Keeps The Score" was hugely useful to me in seeing the big picture. And if you think social stuff is harder for you than most, talk with your therapist about that too. It's a sad truth that many non-neurotypical people are justifiably anxious about neurotypical social situations because those situations are a long-term source of low-grade trauma.
I hope that helps, and you should feel free to contact me off-site if you want to follow up without the eyes of the whole world upon you.
[1] Unless it was so severe that you developed PTSD, in which case you may end up with a self-reinforcing trauma loop.
First, think about how anxiety happens. Imagine you're about to cross the street at a quiet intersection. A car rounds the corner going way too fast and zooms right at you. You jump out of the way and are fine. Next time you get to that corner you will experience anxiety based on the association between a scary experience and what you were perceiving at the time. It will likely change your behavior a bit. Maybe you'll look around more, maybe you'll hesitate before crossing, maybe you'll cross somewhere else. With enough positive experiences, the anxiety will fade and it's back to normal.
But imagine that the anxiety and resulting behavior change actually makes things worse? That's not true about the street-crossing example. [1] But it can be true for other things. E.g., for years my anxiety around taxes would make doing taxes more painful, making me more anxious the next time. It's also true for many social things, just as you describe. You can end up in a positive feedback loop where things keep getting worse.
What helped me was a few years of a good therapist and anti-anxiety medication. It got me to recognize the systemic component to the problem and to start dealing with it. In particular, I had to let go of what I thought I should be experiencing ("It's safe! I should be fine!) and accept what I was experiencing (anxiety, awkwardness, etc). From there it was sort of like training a dog in that I had to make sure I was creating actually positive experiences for myself.
I think you're on to something with exercise, and I encourage all sorts of self-experimentation here. For me, long-duration cardio helps a lot. So does a regular sleep cycle, a diet low in refined carbs, and things that relax the body (yoga, steam, hot tubs, etc). I also manage my consumption of things that are intense (games, movies, TV), as that can increase my baseline anxiety. The lower baseline means that things like talking with strangers is less likely to trigger the formation of an anxiety loop.
I hope that helps! If you're looking for a book, "The Body Keeps The Score" was hugely useful to me in seeing the big picture. And if you think social stuff is harder for you than most, talk with your therapist about that too. It's a sad truth that many non-neurotypical people are justifiably anxious about neurotypical social situations because those situations are a long-term source of low-grade trauma.
I hope that helps, and you should feel free to contact me off-site if you want to follow up without the eyes of the whole world upon you.
[1] Unless it was so severe that you developed PTSD, in which case you may end up with a self-reinforcing trauma loop.