I understand what you are going through. Am in my 70's and took a long time to get past it. A few thoughts. While it is great to love your job, it is even better to have a job that you don't hate and that gives you the most money and free time to do what you figure out you want to do. I also suffered from very low self-esteem which really sucks.
I went to a few therapists and I did find one I could relate to, but it didn't make miracles happen. I do not think it is worth it.
I found a hobby I really liked - it is photographing birds in flight. It is hard to do well, but easy to do. I am not suggesting that, but as an example you can meet people through photography clubs, through Audobon field trips, through going to places where birds are spotted (ebirds.org). I am also, because of the birds, engaged in environment where I work with a community group of chemists, geologists, interested people. My skills in programming help with charting and anazlying results of samples we collect. Maybe you want to get in shape and meet people are 10K;s or play pickleball or rugby or whatever. Maybe you want to write and can get brave enough to expose your work at a writers club.
My point is that if work isn't it now, it pays the bills and use it as a means to make enough money to do something you think you really like. So photography, bird watching, running, team sports, teaching (think helping high school robotics team), any community group for any cause needs web designers, collecting things, model railroading, drones, flying. (My first non-work activity was flyiing and until I busted my medical was a great thing for me).
I went to a few therapists and I did find one I could relate to, but it didn't make miracles happen. I do not think it is worth it.
I found a hobby I really liked - it is photographing birds in flight. It is hard to do well, but easy to do. I am not suggesting that, but as an example you can meet people through photography clubs, through Audobon field trips, through going to places where birds are spotted (ebirds.org). I am also, because of the birds, engaged in environment where I work with a community group of chemists, geologists, interested people. My skills in programming help with charting and anazlying results of samples we collect. Maybe you want to get in shape and meet people are 10K;s or play pickleball or rugby or whatever. Maybe you want to write and can get brave enough to expose your work at a writers club.
My point is that if work isn't it now, it pays the bills and use it as a means to make enough money to do something you think you really like. So photography, bird watching, running, team sports, teaching (think helping high school robotics team), any community group for any cause needs web designers, collecting things, model railroading, drones, flying. (My first non-work activity was flyiing and until I busted my medical was a great thing for me).